Your ability to guess a girls weight within 10 pounds.
You’ve been wearing the same 5 pairs of boxers since junior high and none of them have holes.
The cleanliness of your kitchen sink.
The amount of Supernatural episodes you’ve watched.
Your love of playful but tasteful taxidermy.
My grandma is a full blown hillbilly. She’s full blown bohemian Czech. Still speaks Czech. Grew up in the great depression in Texas. She met my grandfather and still to this day says he has a golden dick and he was the most beautiful man to ever walk the Earth.
Read MoreSlim goodbody sings a song with some puppets.
Read MorePenises and vaginas are the best, but smell the worst.
Armpits and feet love to be tickled, but who wants to touch those stinky things?
We kiss as a sign of affection, but if you don’t brush your teeth for one day, your shit is rank.
Read MoreI appreciate what you’re trying to do Steven, I really do, but why don’t you hold on to that soft taco? It’s not that I’m not hungry, because it is lunch time and, admittedly, I get very hungry around this time of day. It’s just that I don’t want the soft taco that’s been sitting in the passenger seat of your Volvo for God knows how long. Yes, I’m aware that it hasn’t been baking under the rays of the sun, magnified by your non-tinted windows (I didn’t even know they made windows without tint anymore) for more than twenty minutes, but still.
Read MoreOnce upon a time there lived a noble prince. He really enjoyed saving princesses. He saved them all day long, in this land and that. Then one day a dark cloud appeared over the prince’s land. It clouded all that was good and he was no longer able to see what princesses to save. He grew sad and bored. He wished for his passion to return.
Then one day a mysterious beast appeared. The Glunkerwunk. He GLUNKED, then WUNKED, then GLUNKERWUNKED through the castle gates. The Glunkerwunk told the prince that if he could look inside and see himself for what he truly was then he could lift the curse from his kingdom. The prince laughed. He did not believe him for he was arrogant and saw himself without flaw. So the Glunkerwunk left and the kingdom was sad.
Read More- Keep saying your salad needs more tossing and continue winking at him until your eyes
bleed.
Read MoreHas this dude ever used a keyboard?
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