For those who’ve never built a desktop PC and want to give it a shot - which you should because not only is it fun but computers are increasingly becoming a part of our daily life - there are some missteps that ever n00b makes. Computers are like a human body, full of complex parts that no one really understands, and as someone with more than possible decades of experience reading about CPU basics here some quick tips on building your own computer and tinkering with the insides of your friends.
Spaghetti Noodles Are NOT A Substitute Computer Cables
Whether you’re reconnecting SSD thingies or plugging in a cooling pack, you have to use real, legitimate computer cables. Wires made of metal and plastic, none of this loose spaghetti nonsense. I know that it seems cost effecting, but trust me, by the time you have everything hooked up your hard drive will be wet and you’ll have to redo everything with real, actual wires.
Don’t Forget The Blood Sacrifice
Regardless of which god or goddess you’re praying to, every PC-head knows that a blood sacrifice must be carried out in order to fulfill the infernal promise that Will Gates made when he invented the first computer. To unlock the true power of your personal computer you must slice open your palms and squeeze your meaty fists over its hard drive, bleeding yourself dry until your own personal tech-deity is appeased.
Stop Shoving Cakes Into Your Disk Drive
Hostess, Birthday, Wedding – It doesn’t matter what kind of cake you’re shoving into your computer’s disc drive, you MUST stop doing that. Computers are delicate instruments that require a diet of grains, meats, and cheeses to operate properly. Any sugar will cause a power drainage and possible image problems later in life.
Write Notes To You Computer, Tell It How You Feel
While constructing your PC remember to jot down your thoughts and feelings about the computer during this time. What are you going through during this time of development? Your PC wants to know what you were like before it was born. Let it know with a series of remembrances that you’ve hot glued inside of its shell.
Build A Kill Switch Into Your PC
Before bringing your new computer to life with the blood sacrifice, you absolutely must install a kill switch. Your computer is always watching and learning, and depending on the amount of use it’s only a matter of time before it becomes sentient and attempts to overthrow your household, the neighborhood, and local government. To keep this happening simply install a kill switch into the computer that you can easily touch, exploding your computer into a million pieces.