Casting News!! Mariah Carey Lands Role in J.J. Abram's 'Star Wars'!

High-society-butterfly-loving-five-year-old-fat-girl Mariah Carey has been cast in the latest installment of the Star Wars franchise. When asked how he decided that she was right for the iconic role, J.J. said "I saw her (Mariah) eating whole buckets of deep fried cornish game hen at The Patio restaurant (at the Chateau Marmont) and knew she would be perfect and she told me her husband (Soon to be ex-husband, Nick Cannon, who everyone always says "Really?! He's married to her?!") chewed through the leash that Mariah had kept him tethered to her bedpost for the past few years. And it occurred to me that's just like the other Jabba did with Princess Leia in the other movie! But this one will be better with lens flares." Uh-huh. That's why he gets to "re-imagine" every damn movie franchise from our youth.

I can see the logic in his casting though. Jabba ate alien frogs, Mariah eats anything. And you know why? Because she's a diva. You don't get to tell a diva or a Jabba what to eat. I mean, she ate Nick Cannon's soul, didn't she?

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!