How Kill Pretty Readers Spent Labor Day
Kill Pretty spoke with five readers about how they spent Labor Day and their answers were as varied as our favorite nacho toppings. How did you spend your Labor Day? Basking in the sun or working for the man (hopefully for time and a half)?
Love Wins! Man Marries Sandwich In Romantic Ceremony (sponsored by Subway)
Fans of love and/or sandwiches should stop everything they’re doing right now and shove their faces directly into their computer minute, because this news story directly correlates to those two things. This man, Chester Forntothington has announced that he recently married his favorite sandwich and that they’re retiring to desert to live out the rest of their lives.
Getting Lost: What It Takes To Pick Up The Magazine From The Shipping Warehouse
Hour seven of walking through a warehouse the size of six Costcos is when you start to lose your mind. Forklifts whiz by, their drivers wearing an orange vest honk at you to get out of their way, and at least one of them slapped my arm with a plastic ruler when I tried to hop on the back of his little truck. I just wanted freedom, it didn’t matter how I released from my box lined prison.
Nine Reasons Why My Dad and I Have Stopped Talking and One Thing That I Like About My Dad Per My Therapist’s Request
My dad and I haven’t spoken in years. There wasn’t one thing that ended our relationship, but rather a series of escalating failures on both ends that illustrated how different we are from one another, and how it’s probably best that we don’t hang out.
How To Survive Game Night When You Hate Everyone
Off the bat, that title is inaccurate. I don’t hate everyone. I like my dogs. There are a few people on Twitter that make me laugh, and I tend to enjoy the company of the other writers for some reason. Other than that, most people can go jump in a lake. It stands to reason that as someone who rarely leaves the comfort of his house, that I don’t have to go out of my way to avoid social situations that don’t involve my dogs, or discussing topics for a quarterly magazine. When I do leave the gloomy chambers of my one bedroom apartment, it’s to walk down the street to my favorite bar and chat with the bartender, Karl (whom, come to think of it, I also quite like). Against my better judgment, and in a frenzied moment of needing to get out of my house, I accepted an invitation to a game night.
Cool 90s Things That You Can Be Nostalgic About Instead Of Good Burger
It’s Fuck Good Burger Week here at Kill Pretty, and all of our writers and editors are dedicating their energy to reminding you how bad the movie and TV show Good Burger was. We thought about calling it “Bad Burger Week,” but that’s just as bad as the actual nostalgia surrounding Good Burger. Think about it, would you pay $30 for a Good Burger experience? Do you need your picture taken in front of a bad mock up of the All That logo? No way! You need to give that money to us.
I Booked A Good Burger Experience And They Put Me To Work
I show my phone screen to the burly guy in the Good Burger branded polo standing outside the nondescript restaurant that’s now home to the Good Burger experience. It costs $30 and the reservations filled up long before I was able to get in. As soon as I show my proof of purchase someone pulls me aside. It’s Jacque, my manager for the next 90 minutes. He puts a paper hat on my head and pushes me towards the fry basket. “Welcome to Good Burger, dunk the tates.” I tell him that I’m here for the Good Burger experience, that I paid $30 to have my photo taken in front of a milkshake machine and to eat the most expensive burger in LA. Jacque takes a drag from his cigarette and says, “Every experience is different.”
New Kill Pretty Shirts Now AVAILABLE ON SALE! $20!
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Terrible Fucking Advice With Murdock St. James
Sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James is back with his semi-monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice. Instead of sitting down for an interview like he promised, the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James was kind enough to send Kill Pretty a text message with 10 sex tips that he thought our readers would appreciate.
1. From now until October 1 butts are to be referred to as a “Golden Corral” because they’re all you can eat.
2. Ear wax, is it lube? Maybe.
Behind The Scenes Of The Release Party For Kill Pretty Issue 5
Our first editorial meeting is some time around 8:45pm in the middle of the release party for issue five. For some reason we’ve decided to put out a supplementary magazine on the same night as the issue we’ve been working on for the past year, but that’s fine. Why wouldn’t we shoot ourselves in the foot? To write, edit, and print a magazine in one night (less really, maybe four or five hours) we’ve taken on additional staff members, none of whom I’ve taken the time to learn their names. They all know me. They bring me 3,000 word articles on samurai being “lit AF” and 50 word reviews of the entire oeuvre of Jeff Koontz.
Five Times That It’s Totally Okay To Steal A Car
Regardless of how you feel about property and whether or not anything actually belongs to anyone, we can all agree that it’s not cool to go around stealing stuff - especially cars. On the whole, people need their cars to get back and forth from their jobs or to school, if that car’s stolen then the emotional and financial stress can be too much to bare for some people. However, there are a few completely acceptable circumstances in which you can steal a car.