Swan Princess by Richard Perkins
We’ve had a policy at Kill Pretty ever since we started, No Meth Heads and No Poetry! It’s written above the arch entrance to the writers room and it reminds us of where we stand and our core beliefs as a company. I don’t really know how to read poetry and have had very few poems really make an impact. There seems to be a huge portion of DIY publications dedicated to poetry and it always seemed to me like a way to fill space. So when our favorite weirdo, Nashville, street photographer Richard Perkins told me he was going to release a book of poetry I made a audible *GULP*!
Pants on Fire By Sean Conforti
I was sitting on the shitter the other day with my boxers around my knees, cell phone snugly resting in the crotch playing my Jurassic Park Builder app. It was all going fine, I was fairly sure I was going to get the right amount of poo particles on my phone screen to give myself a healthy dose of pink-eye (makes me look like a pirate, pirates are fucking cool.) Normally, I’d get my pink-eye via anal sex and eating ass, but it’s been a slow few months.
Five Things You Can do TODAY Now That You're Fully Vaccinated
So you’ve done it. You’re an essential worker who’s 16 or older and you’ve faced down the needle in a Walgreens/CVS/baseball stadium parking lot and you’re free to walk the streets without fear of catching the dreaded coronavirus. In most cities and counties mask mandates are still in place, and it’s likely that at least half of your friends are still trying to find a vaccine appointment, so what can you do while you wait to hug everyone you know? I’m glad you asked.
Five Reasons To Kill Your Houseplants
There are a few things that you can buy to take your apartment to the next level: matching bookshelves, a bar cart, and a good houseplant, at least that’s what big Plant wants you to think. They may be beautiful, they may be luscious, and they may help cover that stain on your wall that won’t go away, but many houseplants are hardened criminals who want to squeeze every penny they can out of you. Let this be a warning to all would-be botanists out there: kill your houseplants.
It’s Totally Okay To Be Your Worst Self Right Now
Like millions of responsible adults right now you’re stuck inside with no real concept of what’s happening. You know what the news is telling you, but if my eyes – the eyes of someone who’s always online, never without a computer monitor more than a few feet away from my face – are starting to hurt then you’ve got to have blood spraying from your corneas right about now. You deserve a break. Close your laptop, turn your phone off, and close out of Zoom, whatever that is, and just be your worst self right now.
How To Meet That Special Someone While Waiting In Line For The Vaccine
One of the most intriguing aspects of 2021 is the vaccine crush. Or work vaccine husband/wife/partner. This doesn’t have to be someone that you’ve explicitly shown up with. It can be anyone. Are you like the rest of adults aged 21 - 40 and desperately trying to get vaccinated before the summer? Have you been following the breadcrumbs of alleged extra vaccines to every Walgreens and Rite-Aid in a 50 mile radius? Are you also trying to get it on or maybe establish a genuine romantic relationship with someone while standing in a parking lot? If so, here are some tips for turning the vaccine spark into a roaring fire of love.
Zine Review: Street Star #11
All the writing in this zine is handwritten and completely illegible. Fortunately it doesn’t really matter.
Five Things I Wish I Hadn’t Thrown In The Black Hole Behind My Mom’s House
As far as I can tell there was never a black hole behind my mom’s house, but there it was at the beginning of the pandemic. A black hole the size of a basketball hoop. I’m not a scientist or spaceologist but from what I can tell it’s been there for decades, maybe even hundreds of years, quietly expanding. I have to assume that the family who bought the house know about it, the small swirling vortex just past the back garden. You can’t miss it.
Zine Review: Cemental #6
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a skate zine before now. It’s cool. Photos of skateboarding.