Drunken Art Reviews

When we're bored we'll throw Mr. Rich a bunch of paintings and stuff from the Juxtapoz website and see what he thinks. He gets no information on the artist or any context, just images. Here's our staff drunk talking contemporary art.

 Photo by Molly Matalon

Photo by Molly Matalon

Mr. Sadman

Somebody gave this high school nobody too much leeway with his senior year portrait. I want to be a sad eskimo with a gangster vibe. Too many things could have be said to him just prior to this photo being taken.

“Sorry, you were denied your Cannabis Club Card.”

“Clarence, you are the father.”

 Painting by Masumi Sakamoto

Painting by Masumi Sakamoto

Sexy Boy bath

Sometimes your fantasy is to have replicas of yourself sticking out of a tile wall like hunting trophies and throwing up into a bathtub that overflows into your anus. Next week it will be midget anus’ that poo into your mouth. It’s all about what kind of a mood your in.

 Art by Cahill Wessel

Art by Cahill Wessel

Cobrananas

Dude...What? I like 1950’s cars...and cobras...and bananas. Need I say more?

Explanation told from the artist’s standpoint: If you don’t like cobras and classic cars you’re bananas.

 Art by Uno Moralez

Art by Uno Moralez

Timing

“Look, you’re some sexy whoores. But when a sexy witch shows up and is gonna give me double head, I have to accept. How can I turn that down. Tell me you wouldn’t do the same.”

 Art by Anita Evelyn Kunz

Art by Anita Evelyn Kunz

The Birth of the Titty Twister

These monkeys seem to be having a good time. So does this Nun lady. No crimes are being committed. She could run if she wanted, but she likes this monkey action. Later in life she went on to foster many half-monkey, half-human children. This is how Planet of the Apes happened.

 Art by Waclaw Wantuch

Art by Waclaw Wantuch

Yes!

Uh...Are we allowed to have sex with the art?

That’s two pairs of asscheeks!

 Paul Yore

Paul Yore

Forever Spun

I think my Aunt knitted something like this right before she got locked up in a padded room. I love her for it. I wish I had this on a sweater so I could wear to my illegitimate son’s wedding to embarrass him.

 Art by Takato Yamamoto

Art by Takato Yamamoto

Memoirs of a Cryptkeeper

I wish there were 3 inches of canvas to the right. Not for a boner joke. Just so I could see her bush.

 Art by Lynn Blanchi

Art by Lynn Blanchi

Hide the Fat One

“Clair! Cute guys are coming over and we don’t want to scare them away so can you just hang  out under the table while we all get laid? Please?”

First Wing-Woman ever. She was jumping on the grenade for herself.

 Art by Derek Louis Ercolano

Art by Derek Louis Ercolano

Uncredited character from “The Yellow Submarine”

It sucks that somebody dropped a bowling ball on your head, but you’re still awesome. I dont dont know what your outfit is made out of, but I want to eat it. This guy looks like fun. He would be my best friend if he were real. He’s ready to dance, he’s a great dresser and even if someone tries to kill him he keeps partying.