I was 15 when I developed a fetish for nuns. No, I wasn’t biting my thumb getting spanked in catholic school (I wish!). I rented a vhs called Ms .45. It was a rape revenge story about a mute woman who is raped twice on her way home from work and decides to kill all sleazy men. In the last scene she goes to a Halloween party dressed as a nun and it’s one of the sexiest scenes in movie history. Ever since that moment I’ve had a thing for nuns.Read More
CEOs, while you’re bouncing out of your e-beds at 4am to check stock prices, meet with your robo-trainer, and place phone calls to China, there’s another group of people who tucked away comfortably in their bunk beds dreaming of ways to screw you over – millennials. All these 22 to 37 year olds want to do is hang out with their five roommates and talk about which 90s cartoon best describes their love language, a fine pursuit for a Saturday afternoon, but these oversized children want to get into it on a Tuesday afternoon. That’s when you’re working the hardest.Read More
“I am Cornholio, I need TP for my bunghole.”
Truer words have never been spoken on this beautiful green ball of life. This chapter is going to focus in on the symbolism and teachings of the Great Cornholio. While I’m sure, at first glance, you can see Cornholio as the ultimate symbol of the fool, Cornholio has many secrets and many truths. Even I passed him off as a comedic element for years before finally picking up on the subtle teachings of this reincarnated buddha figure.Read More
This new column from sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James, is a monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice by the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James. James didn’t have time for a sit down interview, but he did email 10 sex tips that he thought our readers would appreciate.
Gentlemen, change the color of your semen by ingesting different colors of paint.
Get over that pesky refractory period by punching yourself in the dick until you’re hard again.
Guys, if you really want to prove that you’re a feminist you should eat your own cum, then email me about it.
Looking for a new position? Try “the human light switch.” That’s where you get up and turn on the lights before having missionary sex.
Legally adopt whomever you’re sleeping with.
Tell your new partner that you’re a virgin. That way no matter how bad you are in the sack they’ll be like, “Aw man he’s pretty good for a guy in his 30s who’s never had sex.”
Don’t be a chump, remember the difference between Asexuals and Eh-sexuals (one of them is from Canada).
It’s easier to eat pussy when using a metronome.
Fucking a short guy while riding public transit is known as the “metro gnome.”
Are you hung like a horse? You might actually be a horse. How are you reading this, horse?
I tried to switch to e-books. I really did. I got a Kindle, I tried Audible, but I just couldn’t do it. The experience wasn’t the same. For me, printed books possess an irreplaceable intimacy. I love browsing local bookstores, cuddling up with a good book, holding a nice big thick one in my hand… I just love real books! And it’s not because I want to fuck them.Read More
The Logo - At first glance the logo is a simple effective diagram of the characters in question but to the spiritually trained eye you can see that it is the infinity sign and the yin-yang sign all in one. It represents in infinite struggle of dark and light, good and bad, beautiful and ugly. But, as is on par with the genius of Mike Judge, these are not opposite characters. They are brothers, almost TWINS. The same man twice. This shows that while it is a battle of balance and equality, both sides are the same. Our opposites are us in the mirror. We are our own worst enemy and greatest brother. In the eyes of your foe you can see your soul….Read More
I hate to be the person to break the news to you, but you’re getting old. If you’re like me, you’re well into your 30s, and you can’t drink like the young dum-dum you once were. Whether you’re double fisting tall boys all night, or day drinking rosé with your crew, you’re going to be suffering the next day. The easiest way to make sure you don’t have a hangover is to stop drinking, but we both know that’s not going to happen. So until you suddenly become responsible, or die from a liver explosion, here are the best ways to get rid of the pounding in your head and the rumbling in your stomach.Read More
Has there ever been a television series that captured what it was like to come of age while living next to mummy infested waters the way Dawson’s Creek did? Not in my book. The Creek filmed in Wilmington, North Carolina, an area famously rotten with mummies. And while the picturesque landscapes helped cement the idea of the idyllic town of Dawson’s Creek, it was almost all for not because of those dang mummies.Read More
In 1992 Mike Judge released a short film called, “Frog Baseball”. This film introduced us to two of the most classic buffoons the world as ever known. While the masses saw this as an exercise into extreme stupidity, the truly gifted religious teachers saw the truth. Beavis and Butthead was a spiritual teaching. They represented two truly enlightened beings who played the roles needed to teach us the true path. The path of television, boobs and enlightenment.Read More