Down The Rabbit Hole With Jacob Shelton: An Afternoon With Bernard Kulp

Down The Rabbit Hole With Jacob Shelton: An Afternoon With Bernard Kulp

Bernard Kulp bursts into his kitchen carrying a stack of manila envelopes. Over the next five hours he’ll repeatedly pull from these files and point to lengthy paragraphs that have been scanned and copied so many times that they look as if the ink has fallen out of the words. The first thing he says to me is, “Is this really you or is it your consciousness?” I don’t know how to respond so I pick up my water glass and I say, “Me?” I’ve never felt more insane. “I’m pretty sure myself and my consciousness are here together.” Kulp scowls at me and says, “We’ll see.” He fingers his folders for a moment before drumming his fingers on the table. “It’s not that I think everyone who projects their consciousness from another dimension is an evil pedophile or something, it’s just what my research shows.” Kulp raises his fist quickly until it’s parallel to my face, I flinch and he seems satisfied with this response. “That’s good,” he whispers to himself, “very good.”

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Top 5 Conspiracies Ranked by how Hard my Wife Tries to Stop Me From Seeing the Kids

Top 5 Conspiracies Ranked by how Hard my Wife Tries to Stop Me From Seeing the Kids

Youtube videos seemed to be so innocent when I first started watching. Cat videos and DIY tutorials. Anyone could upload a video! Soon I found myself getting wrapped up in the secret truths all the sheeple in the world don’t want to look at. Youtube documentaries freed me from a life with my head in the sand. It also freed me from having a wife and children. But I’m a good father and I won’t let these kids down, even if they might in fact be alien hybrids!

Here are the top five conspiracies that killed my marriage:

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Kill Pretty Tells You How To Spend Your Weekend

Kill Pretty Tells You How To Spend Your Weekend

Wasn’t it just the weekend? And now you’re expected to spend another two days hanging out and waiting to go back to work? If you don’t know how to spend your weekend why not do it up Kill Pretty style? We asked some of your favorite Kill Pretty writers how they’re spending the weekend, feel free to copy, mix ‘em all up, or do something else and let us know what kind of trouble you got up to.

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An Excerpt From Our Interview With Mind Detrgnt

An Excerpt From Our Interview With Mind Detrgnt

To read the full interview pick up issue 5, a thing you can do by clicking this link! Wow! HTML!

KP: What's Memphis like for graffiti?

MD: It's an awful place for graffiti. The biggest crew there is UH crew. I don't really like their shit, but that's what I grew up around. I didn't do shit like theirs. They do all that weird *makes ninja noises* crazy you know, complicated, illegible pieces and shit like that. I was never that into it. Me and my homie, we were both runaways and we would do shitty tags on Lexuses and shit like that. Me and him both wrote MIND DETRGNT. He never really got that into graffiti. He ended up getting more into music. He still plays music as MIND DETRGNT and he still makes collages that are MIND DETRGNT collages that are really cool. I used to do collages but I don't any more.

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Love Wins! Man Marries Sandwich In Romantic Ceremony (sponsored by Subway)

Love Wins! Man Marries Sandwich In Romantic Ceremony (sponsored by Subway)

Fans of love and/or sandwiches should stop everything they’re doing right now and shove their faces directly into their computer minute, because this news story directly correlates to those two things. This man, Chester Forntothington has announced that he recently married his favorite sandwich and that they’re retiring to desert to live out the rest of their lives.

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An Excerpt From Our Interview With Fancy Lad

An Excerpt From Our Interview With Fancy Lad

To read the full interview pick up issue 5, a thing you can do by clicking this link! Wow! HTML!

KP: How did Fancy Lad get started?

BIG: The name Fancy Lad came from me working at a cafe with Legs who I guess you could say is on the team but not really because he doesn't really skate anymore. Same with Vey. I wish they had full parts but it's impossible to get it out of them. I was working at this bakery with Legs and our manager Phil was, I don't know how to describe him besides he was very...let's say, pretentious and kind of a snob...a little prissy in ways. We used to call Phil, Fancy Lad Phil. We got that term from Cabin Boy, the movie with Chris Elliot. So I was working there and we were using that as a derogatory term for really rich, pretentious hipster people. We thought it was funny because we were gonna make this low-fi, really shitty looking, whatever it is video. We were making that video and we finished it and I pretty much had no ambitions at the time. I was filming Fiske who skated for Heroin and he wanted to edit his own part. We just ended up making that video and it was just an afterthought. We showed it to Arty who used to own Coliseum and he suggested just printing one graphic and seeing what happens. We actually printed that VHS graphic which is still our best seller today. So, I guess we got lucky that he decided to print that one.

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