Maybe you come to Kill Pretty for the graffiti. Maybe you crack the spine for the skateboarding and celebrity interviews, but along the way you’re going to read something by one of our writers about being abducted by the Teletubbies and having sex with all of them. That’s just the way it goes. Steve Torres reports to us from Parts Unknown.
So you’ve been reading Kill Pretty for years. You spend all your hard earned cash on the print issue and you’re not really sure what the publishing schedule for the online version is but you know you like it, or at the very least you tolerate its existence. But isn’t there something missing from Kill Pretty? Aside from a more regular schedule and, I don’t know, more nudity. It’s you dum-dum! Do you write personal essays that your mom would disown you if she read them? Do you illustrate weird cartoons that would get you interred in Shutter Island? A third thing that’s also weird and fits in the format of a website? Then send it over!
Issue Six of Kill Pretty Magazine features a ridiculous amount of ink dedicated to one of the most intriguing TV shows of the last decade, Dream Corp LLC. We poked and prodded star Nick Rutherford until he told his life story. He’s a pretty good guy and we probably shouldn’t have poked him so much. Check out excerpts from his interview below and buy the magazine to read the rest.
I’m standing in line, waiting, on my way home from the bar, subtly swaying back and forth with my feet planted like cinder blocks at the bottom of the lake. It could be a minor pee-pee dance or just something to keep me distracted from the spins – I’m not entirely sure at this point. I’m just trying to maintain my composure. It’s almost my turn to order. I’m watching the couple in front of me, their arms intertwined with each other’s bodies as they order their food by numbers. They complete the transaction and move aside. It’s my turn.
Immediately after I rail the second line of adderall the bartender, a lanky, hipster barber neck tattoo, leans in and yells, “Do it in the bathroom!” He has dreamy eyes but I yell back, “You’re sweet. Maybe later!” I give him a wink and spin around. It’s a bar in the financial district called The Straight Line. I’ve successfully found the most Wall Street white guy bar in Los Angeles in order to prep for my review of Vampires Kiss. I brought a baggie of crushed up adderall, some amyl nitrate, three condoms, paper clips and fake vampire teeth. I’m wearing some semblance of a suit that I could put together from Goodwill (The Kill Pretty budget leaves something to be desired.) I look like an extra in a bad Wolf of Wall Street sequel. I’m doing research, real journalism. Anything to rationalize my new found adderall habit.
Issue 6 of Kill Pretty may be our grimiest yet. Case in point: Squeeze The Trigger by gonzo photographer Richard Perkins and surrealist writer Jacob Shelton. With photos by Perkins and words by Shelton, this booze fueled look at the hidden world of slime beneath normal, every day America will shock and delight. Here’s a taste, but if you want to see the whole thing you’ve got to pick up the magazine.
Dreamcorp LLC is one of the weirdest shows to ever drop onto broadcast television, if you slept on this show you seriously missed out. We spoke with the folks behind the series about their dreams, making TV on a small budget, and chopping off limbs. You know, normal stuff.
On Fridays we tend to run a funny little article about criminals burning in hell or people pretending to puke but today it’s all business because we need help buying a specific brick. We can’t tell you what we’ll be using the brick for, but we can say that it needs to be dense, easy to lift, and heavy enough to crush someone’s head into a big pile of goo. Let’s shop!
Y’all like comics? What about Alex Jones? Hell yeah you do. Check out this hilarious comic about Alex Jones from Barbarian 420 that you can find in issue six of Kill Pretty.
In every issue of Kill Pretty we highlight an Employee of the Month so you can see how things work behind the scenes at our office, and so you can can get to know the people who write this smut. Read a little about our employee of the month, Steve Torres, and check out the rest of our weird information about him in issue six of Kill Pretty.
I’m standing in a field near Chico, California with Aileene McConnley. She hands me one of those white air filter masks that people wear while they’re mowing the lawn. “See those?” She points at a pair of white streaks that crisscross each other in the sky. “The trails are going to be heavy today.” When I ask what exactly it is that chemtrails do she scoffs at me and hands me an already opened umbrella.
Does issue six of Kill Pretty feature long form interviews with graffiti icons, horror game changers, and obscure comic book artists? Absolutely. But the question you’re not asking is, does issue six of Kill Pretty feature reviews of different frogs? Hell yes it does. We’ve included a couple of these necessary and important reviews below, but you’ve got to buy the magazine to see how the rest of the frog community holds up.
For a certain sect of horror fans Brian Yuzna requires no introduction, but his erotic, gooey horror films not only skirt the edge of good taste, they’ve kept him on the edge of the mainstream for his entire career. Issue Six of Kill Pretty features an in depth interview with Yuzna that touches on every aspect of his career, from producing Re-Animator, to directing Society and the non-everyman persona of Jeffrey Combs. Check out the excerpt below, but if you want to read the full thing you’ve got to pick up the magazine.
Here at Kill Pretty we love crime. It’s the best. Regulars and normals may have an aversion to theft, thieves, and crime-doers but not us. That being said, we also believe that some people deserve to burn in Hell for eternity for their sins against Heaven and possibly even Christ. We’ve rounded up five thieves who deserve to burn in Hell, but not for the crime of committing crime.
Issue Six of Kill Pretty features a story of sex, aliens, and Teletubbies from the one and only Steve Torres. It’s best if you just read this very horny excerpt and then purchase a couple of copies of the magazine. If you’re a fed or another Teletubby fetishist, please reach out to Steve personally and not the Kill Pretty staff (we rarely check our email).
Issue Six of Kill Pretty has a ridiculously oversized interview with the one and only graffiti god Baer. How big is this interview? It’s so dang big that we could post excerpts online for years and we would never get to the good stuff. Buy the magazine if you want to read the entire thing, or continue to read these excerpts and attempt to piece together what the interview might look like in print.
Whoa. Time flies y’all. It’s so crazy that it’s been more than 30 years since Star Trek: The Next Generation gifted viewers with that sexy ass, goo covered Klingon demon Fek’lhr. Was it even legal in 1991 to put something so hot on TV?
It’s tough to write a new article for Kill Pretty every week. Aside from coming up with a funny concept our writers also have to find a tone of voice that’s both disaffected and slightly acerbic. It’s not an easy job. Seeing how America is sliding into the July 4th weekend and Kill Pretty’s office are located in America, if you count Los Angeles as America (ha ha ha, a little joke), we figured that if we’re going to coast on one of our classic Friday articles then we might as well do it when no one is online. Without further ado here are a few pictures of people who don’t feel so well and some funny little commentary to go with it.
I am playing Cyberpunk 2077 to finally achieve my boyhood dream: I will be an e-girl. A violent, murderous, sword-wielding e-girl. This is an excerpt from my time in the world of Cyberpunk 2077. To read about the full transformation buy a copy of Kill Pretty Issue Six.
Before Rob Schrab found success with films like Monster House, The Sarah Silverman Program, and Mystery Science Theater 3000, he wrote and illustrated Scud: The Disposable Assassin. When Nacho wrangled Schrab to talk about his influential comic from the ‘90s he was more than happy to dive deep into the hyperkinetic world of everyone’s favorite robot assassin. Check out excerpts from the interview below, and pick up the magazine to read the full interview.
Issue Six of Kill Pretty is full of interviews with some of our favorite artists, but our write-up on BAER is not to be missed. Our lengthy discussion touches on everything alien abductions, to sex, and we might talk about art but mainly we just stick to talking about the first two things (alien abductions and sex). Cheapos can check out some of the interview here, but if you want to read the entire piece you’ve got to buy the magazine.
Issue Six of Kill Pretty features an article on life, skateboarding, and rollercoasters by Abe Dubin, the one and only Orange Man. The entire article is amazing, but you’ve got to buy the magazine to read it all.
Okay everyone relax. Seriously. Just be cool. You have to be chill because the rooster is here and he's super pissed!
FUCK! This was always going to happen but why is it happening today? Ugh. Why is the rooster so mad? Did you do something to the rooster? You did, didn't you?
Mini and Maxxi, aka the Baerettes, aren't just dating Graffiti King Baer, they also have rich interior lives. The girls were kind enough to let us into their lives in issue six of Kill Pretty.
In issue six of Kill Pretty, staff writer Jacob Shelton takes a death drive into the heart of madness with the spiky haired madman, chef Guy Fieri. Check out the following excerpts from our profile on the Diners, Drive-In, and Dives host below and read the full thing in issue six.
This morning I woke up with the strangest feeling – I don’t want to do anything. Oh sure I’ll make coffee and put on a robe so I don’t flash the neighbors peeking through my curtains, but when it comes to doing any actual work it’s just not happening. Case in point: In the middle of the last sentence I stopped to watch an episode of Survivor before staring out the window for 20 to 30 minutes.
In this world there are only two types of people: Salami Mommies and Beef Chiefs. Your race, gender, and sexuality have nothing to do with one’s inner mommy or chief, you simply know one way or the other. However, we can be wrong from time to time and that’s why you’ve got to think about this for yourselves, email us your answer and wait until we let you know whether you’re right or wrong. So what is it, are you a Salami Mommy or a Beef Chief?
You don’t think we forgot about skateboarding do you? Issue six features a great talk with queer indie skater Chandler Burton. We talk skating in drag, skateboarder crushes, and Burton’s ever evolving style. Check out the preview below and pick up the magazine for the full interview complete with photos by Nick Weber.