Resident expert Jacob Shelton knows just about everything about anything, and that’s why he’s the perfect person to review and consider the wide range of topics that are available in this strange, chaotic world.

Day Drinking - 7/10

I know what you’re thinking. Someone who writes for Kill Pretty should rate day drinking, something that we do quite often, with a 13/10. It shouldn’t even be reviewed, it should be a way of life. Even so, my judgement stands. Day drinking is almost perfect, but it’s lacking a few qualities that make it truly life affirming.

Day drinking offers the perverse pleasure of being on a slightly different wavelength than everyone else, but without having to take PCP or slam your head into a wall. It’s usually hot outside whenever you’re day drinking (or at least when I’m day drinking), and who doesn’t love downing half a bottle of champagne in the middle of 95 degree heat? As much as I love the short burst of euphoria and the smug sense of satisfaction that comes with guzzling alcohol at 11 am, I don’t love the feeling like I need a nap as 5:22 P.M. approaches. I know that I can just keep drinking, but my bed is just so comfortable.

Will this unnecessary grogginess stop me from guzzling two to three beers in the middle of the day? Never. But do I wish that I could stay awake while playing Grand Theft Auto? Of course I do. What kind of question is that?

Day drinking, consider yourself reviewed.

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