Just when you got through telling yourself all the cup o noodle flavors had been done(except sardine flavor! Where’s the sardine flavor?) and that random asian sounding company couldn’t possible surprise you with anything new. SURPRISE! New Flavor sirry American *said in stereotypical chinese guy voice*.

Lobster flavored noodles have made their way to a dusty liquor store shelf near you. Not to imply that this is a new item. Most likely this flavor has been around for years, but you never come across it because nobody that you want to friends with would ever buy it. But it’s there. Lurking in the neglected recesses that most people are too frightened to stroll through.

Lobster flavor, freeze dried imitation crab, clam, cuttlefish, oysters, sea squirt(whatever that is), and shrimp extract all combine together to produce one fantastic bouquet. Yum! As I tried to down my meal, a warm aroma wafted to my face that reminded me of my grandmothers used socks or what I imagine halitosis would smell like. As I reached out to take my first bite, my nose hairs curled, sweat beads formed on my brow, and my hand holding the fork began to tremble. Each salty bite was like chewing on rat intestines with lovely little morsels of imitation crab scattered throughout to liven the party. My only salvation was the gulps of water in between bites to cleanse my palate as quickly as possible.

All in all, the noodles were as they always are, resembling cardboard and lacking all the extra fixins that are in the photo on the package. But I was treated with an unexpected plus side. For the health nuts out there, each bowl contains no “added” MSG and 0 Trans Fats. Woot! My mind can rest at ease now.

A final piece of advice for those of you planning on consuming one of these delightful delectables in your house. Have air some air freshener and some scented wall plug-ins handy ‘cuz yo’ house gonna stank. I’d say use the microwave at work, but then you’ll lose what few friends you have there and people will probably give you a mean nickname that they call you behind your back. Like Smelly Sally or Pungent Pete.

And don’t throw the container away in your house. That’s bad too. Toss it your neighbor’s trash can and light it on fire for good measure.

I give this item 3 out of 10 lobster bibs.