I was sitting on the shitter the other day with my boxers around my knees, cell phone snugly resting in the crotch playing my Jurassic Park Builder app.  It was all going fine, I was fairly sure I was going to get the right amount of poo particles on my phone screen to give myself a healthy dose of pink-eye (makes me look like a pirate, pirates are fucking cool.)  Normally, I’d get my pink-eye via anal sex and eating ass, but it’s been a slow few months.