Tales From the Tinder

 Logo By Jorge Cruz

Logo By Jorge Cruz

Good evening boys and girls! Tonight's tale is about two carless kiddies, ones a grump and one’s a chump. Can you guess this who’s who of sexless frustration? Looks like the games have only just begun! (*CACKLES*)

 

 

The boy and girl had been talking for a week when something bad happened. The girl had gotten in a car accident. Her car was in the shop and she was now forced to use the subway. The boy, having no car and no life, knew the subway well and offered to show her the ropes.

 

Like a gentleman the boy showed up at the girl’s work right as she got off. The two hugged and started towards the metro station. As they walked the boy noticed that the girl would not stop complaining. No matter what the subject, there was a complaint to be had, and she was going to voice it. Topic after topic, small talk, deep talk, always something negative. “Well,” the boy thought, “She’s had a long day, she’s probably in a bad mood.”

 

They took the subway back to her house, and the complaining didn’t stop. She was hungry and tired. As they walked through her front door she turned to him and said with a stern voice, “Just so you know, I’m NOT having sex with you today.” This was not a joking tone. This was talking down to a dog. He had not insinuated anything sexual and felt the energy in the room become even more negative. This was a bad sign.

 

Food. She needed food. Immediately they ordered Thai food. Of course, it took way longer than it should have. The boy desperately tried to make small talk but all the girl could do was complain about how long it was taking. An hour later the food arrived and it was good! They were happy. She asked to watch a movie in bed and the boy became hopeful. She had never seen Waiting before and he thought, “Perfect slapstick comedy to lighten the mood.”

 

Ten minutes in and she was asleep.

 

The boy watched the whole movie alone. A movie that he had seen many times. But it was fine. He was full of decent Thai food, and liked the movie enough. The movie ended and he ever so gently whispered in her ear, “Hey there. Wake up. The movie’s over.”

 

Her eyes darted open, “OH GOD!” And she rolled over.

 

“Well some people have a hard time waking up,” he thought. He sat there for a few minutes and she did not move.

 

Again he whispered in her ear, “Hey there. Wake up.”

 

“WHAT ARE YOU MY FATHER? ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHEN I CAN SLEEP?” She screamed at him.

 

“I’m sorry. You’re tired, you’ve had a long day. I get it. I had a lot of fun. Have a good night.” He started towards the door.

 

“YOU’RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE? YOU’RE GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE?”

 

“You don’t seem like you’re in a mood to hang out. Why don’t we just talk later?”

“YOU WALK OUT RIGHT NOW, AND YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN. DON’T YOU DARE WALK OUT OF THAT DOOR.”


The boy ran. He ran and he ran and he ran. The girl called many times, but the boy never answered.

 

 

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