Nacho 8/5/22 Nacho 8/5/22

Vampires Kiss - 1988

Immediately after I rail the second line of adderall the bartender, a lanky, hipster barber neck tattoo, leans in and yells, “Do it in the bathroom!” He has dreamy eyes but I yell back, “You’re sweet. Maybe later!” I give him a wink and spin around. It’s a bar in the financial district called The Straight Line. I’ve successfully found the most Wall Street white guy bar in Los Angeles in order to prep for my review of Vampires Kiss. I brought a baggie of crushed up adderall, some amyl nitrate, three condoms, paper clips and fake vampire teeth. I’m wearing some semblance of a suit that I could put together from Goodwill (The Kill Pretty budget leaves something to be desired.) I look like an extra in a bad Wolf of Wall Street sequel. I’m doing research, real journalism. Anything to rationalize my new found adderall habit.

Nacho 8/5/20 Nacho 8/5/20

Good Burger: The Epitome of Nostalgia TRASH

*CRACK fzzzzzz SLURP* Can you taste the nostalgia? Remember how great Good Burger was? What a classic comedy movie! I love buddy comedies, don’t you? Good Burger is the absolute perfect example of nostalgia TRASH. If you think of it in your mind, you can remember great things, but don’t look too close! The reality is empty and pathetic. Not only is Good Burger terrible, it serves as the perfect metaphor for the separation between adult and kid comedy. It is the beginning of that horrible Disney comedy we see running rampant today. Worst of all it assumes all children are stupid and by the ratings, maybe they’re right?

Nacho 7/17/20 Nacho 7/17/20

Killer Nun or How Religion Was Made For Sex Freaks! (EXPLICIT CONTENT!!)

I was 15 when I developed a fetish for nuns. No, I wasn’t biting my thumb getting spanked in catholic school (I wish!). I rented a vhs called Ms .45. It was a rape revenge story about a mute woman who is raped twice on her way home from work and decides to kill all sleazy men. In the last scene she goes to a Halloween party dressed as a nun and it’s one of the sexiest scenes in movie history. Ever since that moment I’ve had a thing for nuns.

Nacho 2/18/20 Nacho 2/18/20

The Art Of Warez Documentary

The ANSI scene is a lesser known underground world of art born out of early computers in the 90’s. BBS’s were Bulletin Board Systems where people communicated and traded illegal cracks of video games and software at the very beginning of the internet. These bulletin boards were private and had to be accessed through passwords creating underground communities. Hundreds of thousands of original pieces of art were made for these BBS’s, most of which are now gone.

Nacho 9/30/19 Nacho 9/30/19

Xtro - Alien Erotica for only the Kinkiest

When you’re a 13 year old horror fan everything kind of runs together. You have nothing but time and an endless history of horror to consume. I remember whole years where I watched a movie or two every single day. 90% were horror. Yes it did affect me and no I don’t want to talk about it. The point is, through this endless stream of murder certain movies graze the surface and can actually fuck with your head. It’s rare, but they do. Xtro is a sick enough type of movie to just do that. It has claws in all the right places. So if you’re into being molested by a movie, by all means, read on!

Jacob Shelton 6/28/19 Jacob Shelton 6/28/19

Kill Pretty Goes To The Los Angeles Premiere Of Danzig's Verotika

When I arrive at the theater I pass through a sea of people with mohawks and back patches that simply read “Danzig.” The singer’s directorial debut is supposed to be so bad it’s good, but how many so bad it’s good movies can there really be? I receive a wristband and frightened worker says “Whatever you do, don’t laugh.” Before I can question him I’m pushed through the doors of the theater and given the option of a $7 beer or taking an early seat. I opt to take my seat.

Nacho 2/20/16 Nacho 2/20/16

Pieces - One of the greatest slasher horror movies! Watch it

Pieces ruined me as a kid, let it ruin you tonight!

Nacho 12/16/15 Nacho 12/16/15

VHS and Vodka Presents: Crack House (1989)

This being my first official “VHS and Vodka” article I knew I wanted it to be special. For those of you who haven’t been in my bedroom, imagine leatherface’s room with the chicken bones and severed female body parts but there’s also around 700 VHS tapes stacked in the corners like a hoarder with really good taste. So I went through my collection in search of something with explosive potential that I hadn’t seen yet. I came across Crack House.