Drunken Art Reviews

When we're bored well throw Mr. Rich a bunch of paintings and stuff from the Juxtapoz website and see what he thinks. He gets no information on the artist or any context, just images. Here's our staff drunk talking contemporary art.

 Artist: Sarah Anne Johnson

Artist: Sarah Anne Johnson

 “Dude!, WTF!?”

I haven’t talked to my mom in a while, so it’s good to see what she’s been up to.  I just hope she isn’t giving all her retirement money to my future-ex-father-in-law in exchange for taking awful pictures of her.  I wonder how many Easter watercolor kits it took to cover her royal largeness?

 Artist: Jonas Lindstroem

Artist: Jonas Lindstroem

“TITTY!!!!!!!!!!”

*Just to cover all grounds.  I love titties.  If you’re wondering why I wasn’t excited about the titties in the previous piece, it’s because she’s fat, old, and lets weirdos take naked pictures of her.  I wanted to add in that you’re not pretty unless you’re young and thin, but I don’t need any more hate mail from bull dykes, so I’ll leave that part out.

 Artist: Jay Howell

Artist: Jay Howell


 “I’m from Los Angeles….the one in California if that’s unclear”

This is a metaphor for how the government views us.  Like sheep we blend together and lack individualism.  Our eyes(our minds) and colors(our voices) become blended, showing our lack of individualism and originality and BLAH FUCKING BLAH!!!  Who cares.  It’s not that bad, but the only thing I want to do is re-gift it or take a Magnum 44 permanent maker, put a big fucking X over it, frame it, and do coke off of it.  Woot.


 Artist: Marie J. Engelsvold

Artist: Marie J. Engelsvold

 “today I will do it”(it’s written right on it!)

Today you’ll do what?  Steal your 12 year old daughter’s art and claim it as your own?  You know what I see in this Rorschach test?  Garbage.



 Artist: Chris Ofili

Artist: Chris Ofili

 “Black Princess”

I guess she like butterflies that look like nutsacks.


 

 Artist: Keegan Grandbois

Artist: Keegan Grandbois

“Lame”

A slinky, a clear ceiling fan, and some silk plants….WOOP DE FUCKING DOO!



 Artist: Ron English

Artist: Ron English

“Sea Monkeys in Paradise”


I love the upbeat message this piece sends out.  This sea monkey father may have made a wrong turn at The Bermuda Triangle after listening to his kids bitch and moan about how they’re missing they’re friends birthday and his wife repeat that this is a perfect example of why she cheated, but like Clark Griswold he keeps on truckin’.