The Reptilian Conspiracy REVEALED With Reptile Afterbirth
In case you haven't heard, there's a new boss in the rap game. Not only is he the number one spitter from down under, he's also a key figure in the reptile conspiracy. If you aren't already shouting his name, he is REPTILE AFTERBIRTH.
He's been rapping for years in Australia, breaking it down and keeping it real. Recently he's gained world wide acclaim for his youtube videos revealing deep secrets in the ancient reptilian conspiracy. We sat down with Mr. Afterbirth to get the real scoop.
How was the reptilian conspiracy revealed to you?
My uncle used to lock me in a cupboard and play 'reptilian conspiracy' with me after dark but I've since made some resolutions, so this year is gonna be different.
I Have Goals - By Katelyn Lacey
I have goals. One of those goals is to be the coolest girl anyone has ever met before in their entire life. Think of the coolest person you know. I want that person to look at me and say, “Who is that human over there with the lily white freckled skin? Cheeks of rose, robust of bone, fresh of face, sly of wit? What is she doing over there? Oh, ok, I see what she’s doing now. She’s giving zero fucks, that’s what she’s doing. I wonder if she’s even capable to give a fuck? She’d probably have to work 70 hours a week to give a fuck. It’d be a full time job for that perfect redheaded creature with the fattest ass to give a fuck. And her leather jacket makes me forget that MJ ever wore one.”
Man goes down on woman at Dead Kennedys concert - First Punk Rock act committed in 20 years
First off, congratulations to the woman who went and got her pussy eaten right on stage at a Solona Beach Dead Kennedys concert Thursday night.
Let's Start Sending Rivers Cuomo Fan Mail For Incubus
Recently, Weezer's Rivers Cuomo paid a visit to the web series Larry King Now where he told an interesting/creepy anecdote. Apparently he keeps getting fan mail for Incubus front man Brandon Boyd. “I get these elaborate fan packages, only they’re not for me, they’re for the singer of Incubus, Brandon Boyd,” Cuomo told King. “The bizarre thing is it’s happened at two different houses I’ve lived in over the years.”
Nancy Grace VS 2 Chainz
It shouldn't surprise anyone that Nancy Grace is a vocal opponent of the legalization of marijuana, placing her at odds with pretty much every rapper. Last night she held an unexpected debate with 2 Chainz, someone who would never be on my short list to go on television and debate anything. I wouldn't even expect him to debate the merits of owning more than one chain.
Revolt of the Water Heaters
They say that if you take acid it stays in your spine forever. And that if you suffer a back injury later in life, it can be released and you’ll trip again. Do you think that’s true?
Riff Raff will take you to prom for 28K - totally worth it
Weirdo rap thing and internet personality Riff Raff has announced a delightful new source of income/getting people to talk about him. Yesterday on Instagram, Mr. Raff announced that for a mere $28,000 he'll make that most special of nights even more special. Yes, Riff Raff will take you to prom. But don't worry, you're not shelling out more than the annual wages of an average Wal-Mart employee just to slow dance with Riff Raff, you also get a limo, hotel suite, freestyle video, and the honor of being all over his Instagram for a week. Not too shabby. Oh, but you do have to be 18.
Double - O - Dumbass
A light afternoon mist poured over a massive manicured lawn. Groups of tables and chairs each with an enormous vase of flowers and two opened bottles of white and red wine were strewn everywhere. They were being attended to by hundreds of 20-30 somethings in white collared shirts. They were the catering. I was a fucking caterer.
It was good money though. I knew walking in I’d be leaving with over $100 and a huge free meal. What I didn’t know was that over the course of the night my friend would reveal a side of him I’d never known before.
Rock In Peace - 10 Bands Definitely Breaking Up in 2015
2015 has begun, and as Kill Pretty’s resident music know it all/sass machine, I think it’s important that we cleanse ourselves of the negative vibes of 2014 as we prepare for the even worse vibes coming in 2015. We can all admit that last year was mostly terrible. Save for a few personal highlights (a couple of friends got married and I ate the world’s largest hot dog), 2014 was full of terrible news. The police murdered people in the streets, we were tricked into caring about a Seth Rogen film, and an entire airplane disappeared. Worst of all, we were inundated with some truly awful music. If you read my last column, you’ll know that I liked a few songs last year but that's about it.