Quarantine No Nos
We’re crawling up the walls, baking every bread that can be baked. We’re forming vacation pods and going to Joshua Tree. We’re forming vacation pods and going to Palm Springs. We’re baking bread with our photogenic dogs and vacation pods in Joshua Tree and Palm Springs. We’ll never leave quarantine, we’ll let the virus burn through us until the only people left are COVID free by default. You can cross your fingers and hope that you make it to 2021 without saddling your family without a hefty respirator bill, or you can avoid these Quarantine No Nos and continue pacing your studio apartment Coronavirus free.
Wastedland 2 Closing Party
Come to our closing show this SATURDAY! At Supercheif Gallery!
Unlike skateboarding, rapping or video games, graffiti is, and will always be, inherently illegal. Because graffiti is so destructive by nature, it will never be fully accepted into mainstream society. It will always be shunned and because of this there will always been an underground world that the mainstream will not understand. That’s the best part: We have our own code, our own world, and as much as the street artists and Nike commercials want to get in, they will forever be left kicking rocks.
Word on The Street: SCARLETT JOHANSSON: TRASH EATER (PHOTOS!!!)
Shocking news from celebrity world reaches our desks every day, but this exclusive story about Scarlett was a shock even to us. The busboy from the Denny’s on Melrose broke the news. One night last week while taking the trash out he caught a glimpse of a strikingly beautiful homeless lady eating a weak old Lumberjack Slam out of the dumpster. Upon being noticed she slinked away into the darkness. It was none other than Ms. Johansson herself.
Word on The Street: KRISTEN WIIG’S PLASTIC SURGERY NIGHTMARE EXCLUSIVE (PHOTOS!!!)
Have you ever wondered what Kristen Wiig’s nipples look like? Well we have the inside scoop. The gardner at my work also cuts Ms. Wiig’s lawn and has been watching her walk around naked on his lunch break for the past 3 months. He has confirmed multiple surgeries have occurred to reduce her abnormally large nipples. Most people don’t know this, but her nipples were the diameter of a soft ball since birth.
Word on The Street: Will Smith saves fingernail clippings for Christmas!!! (PHOTOS!)
You may think that Will Smith would give great Christmas presents, but my cousin Barbara found out the truth last week: It turns out Will Smith forces his whole family to save all their fingernail clippings in a jar. Yes, even upcoming child star Jayden Smith. At the end of the year for Christmas, they mail the clippings as presents to friends and family across the world. Yuck. Yuck.
Word On The Street: Joaquin Phoenix is a Minotaur!!! (PHOTOS!)
The taco truck guy down the street from my house told me he’s Joaquin Phoenix’s neighbor and he’s been watching him over his fence for the past year. Joaquin has been turning into a Minotaur and has been forced to hire a construction crew to build a labyrinth around himself in order to protect his family from inevitable bowel dismemberment.
The Third Issue Has Arrived!
The first shipment of issue 3 is here and it's BEAUTIFUL! We still can't figure out how to open these tricky Chinese boxes but as soon as we do orders will be out! In the mean time check out the PREVIEW section for some glimpses at what's in store!
