6 Ways to Gently Tell Your Parents You’ve Enrolled at the University of Phoenix
1. Offer them a marga-Rohypnol-rita first, then bring it up. It’s best to break news like
this when your parents are relaxed/unconscious.
Is Your Cat an Asshole? By Tyler Nacho
All animals are not created equal, but we want to pretend they are. I know I did. I loved my pets growing up. Even walking through the streets today It’s pretty hard for me not to stop to pet a puppy or obsess over some insanely cute dog. Funny cat videos, although cliche as hell, never really seem to get old. Animals are adorable wonderful fucking things and we all love them. Unfortunately they are not all nice. Some pets piss on your clothes, take dumps on your bed and vomit on your tupperware. All while looking you in the eyes, challenging you. Some pets are assholes.
Drunken Art Reviews by Mr. Rich
When we're bored we'll throw Mr. Rich a bunch of paintings and stuff from the Juxtapoz website and see what he thinks. He gets no information on the artist or any context, just images. Here's our staff drunk talking contemporary art.
Fashcism! - Saddam Hussein By Eric Gruber
Welcome back to Fashcism - a safe place for you to fawn over wardrobe choices made by the world’s most notorious monsters (you meaning me, of course)
You’ve heard of the fashion police, this is the fashion gestapo. The Nile and the Mississippi to Joan’s Rivers.
Today we bring you, from somewhere between Tikrit and a bottomless pit of wretched smells, piercing screams, fire and brimstone - the one, the only, Mr. Spider Hole himself, former president of Iraq, Dancing with the Stars season 3 finalist, Doctor, Lawyer, 5-star generalissimo, President Barack Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti (Editor’s note: Not a doctor).
Freemason Secrets Revealed By Jon Benito
Have you ever heard of the Freemasons? You know… those assholes that supposedly run everything. They're supposed to be the founding fathers of this country, and even possibly the descendants of the Knights Templar, and many other descendants and spawns of other secret societies. Some even think that the Freemasons were also the Illuminati, or that the Illuminati were started by the Freemasons, or that the Illuminati and the Freemasons work together to control the world. And from what I hear on the street, the Freemasons and the Illuminati have had a subsection of their own break off to battle it out on the street over who’s boss. There are all sorts of different stories about these two groups. Are they aliens, the lizard people and the greys battling it out on earth, or are they just men with dark occult power who have sold their soul to the devil? There’s all sorts of stories about these “people” rolling around the internet inspiring artists, occultists, Christians, the religious right, neo-Nazis, anarchists, and other curious individuals.