Sick Life Number 1
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Sick Life is a comic strip by @MattDelight
He also writes Ruby Comics, which you can read HERE
Heartburn Forever
/To read the FULL article you gotta buy the mag!!! Buy it HERE!
Every time I go to a fast food restaurant, it reminds me of certain painful interactions and with women from my past. As a poor person in Los Angeles, fast food is the most logical choice for my meals like 20% of the time. I eat it for survival and I know it’s fucked up, but fast food culture is ubiquitous here.
It’s different in Massachusetts. In my youth, fast food was used to mark a really special occasion. We used to have great birthday parties at McDonald’s. Or Burger King if the kid’s family had a good year fiscally. I really view Burger King as a treat and a legitimate meal to boot. Wendy’s is a different story. My family still has significant sit down dinners at Wendy’s. These are rich people, now. Like, these days, they have the wherewithal to go get 20 dollar burgers. But they’re still eating Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers.
McDonald’s, though obviously the shitties of the bunch, has really good pickle and ketchup chemicals. Burger King has crispy lettuce and nice mayo. Wendy’s, I mean come on, Wendy’s is a place I can’t even really admit is shitty. I have nothing bad to say about Wendy’s. They even make their burgers into shapes! So when I tell you my first time at In-N-Out was divine for me, I’m not lying. It was like… it was like eating freshly showered pussy for the first time. I shit you not. It’s like, the more you eat the better it tastes, and you can’t stop drooling or thinking about the next bite but at the same time you’re transported to a place and mindeset wherein you’re not aware of the future or the past, desire, or regret. You’re just there eating a burger/pussy, which is technically the entire point of America.
Want to read the rest of Steve’s story? You gotta buy the mag! Buy it HERE!!!
It’s Totally Okay To Be Your Worst Self Right Now
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Like millions of responsible adults right now you’re stuck inside with no real concept of what’s happening. You know what the news is telling you, but if my eyes – the eyes of someone who’s always online, never without a computer monitor more than a few feet away from my face – are starting to hurt then you’ve got to have blood spraying from your corneas right about now. You deserve a break. Close your laptop, turn your phone off, and close out of Zoom, whatever that is, and just be your worst self right now.
Read MoreHow To Meet That Special Someone While Waiting In Line For The Vaccine
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One of the most intriguing aspects of 2021 is the vaccine crush. Or work vaccine husband/wife/partner. This doesn’t have to be someone that you’ve explicitly shown up with. It can be anyone. Are you like the rest of adults aged 21 - 40 and desperately trying to get vaccinated before the summer? Have you been following the breadcrumbs of alleged extra vaccines to every Walgreens and Rite-Aid in a 50 mile radius? Are you also trying to get it on or maybe establish a genuine romantic relationship with someone while standing in a parking lot? If so, here are some tips for turning the vaccine spark into a roaring fire of love.
Read MoreZine Review: Street Star #11
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All the writing in this zine is handwritten and completely illegible. Fortunately it doesn’t really matter.
Read MoreFive Things I Wish I Hadn’t Thrown In The Black Hole Behind My Mom’s House
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As far as I can tell there was never a black hole behind my mom’s house, but there it was at the beginning of the pandemic. A black hole the size of a basketball hoop. I’m not a scientist or spaceologist but from what I can tell it’s been there for decades, maybe even hundreds of years, quietly expanding. I have to assume that the family who bought the house know about it, the small swirling vortex just past the back garden. You can’t miss it.
Read MoreZine Review: Cemental #6
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen a skate zine before now. It’s cool. Photos of skateboarding.
Read MoreTerrible Fucking Advice With Murdock St. James: It's March!
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Sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James is back with his semi-monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice. Instead of sitting down for an interview like he promised, the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James was kind enough to send Kill Pretty a personalized Post-It with ten must-read sex tips. Let’s get to it.
Read MoreZine Review: Enemy #5 and #7
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These zines are what I’ve tried to do over and over in my magazine making career. Truly psychotic shit.
Read MoreThe Munchkin Mafia
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The Munchkin Mafia came in again today. The last time they came in the leader asked me if I glued my vagina shut. This was an honest question. He explained to me that women’s vaginas were supposed to be open. He wanted to know what kind of strange parlor trick this was?! I tried to explain to him through clenched teeth that vaginas were like belly buttons ... innies & outties.
Read MoreI’m Making My Own Vaccine (sponsored by Taco Bell)
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One year into the pandemic and it’s finally happening, I’m getting a vaccine. More to the point, I’m making my own vaccine with the help of the fine folks at Taco Bell. After months of back and forth with Yum Brands (of which Taco Bell is a subsidiary) I can finally announce that my personal vaccine will be available in three variations. But Jacob, you’re not a scientist. I know, that’s why my vaccine is going to be better than those available on the market at the moment. Dare I say that it’s going to rock? I do dare.
Read MoreZine Review: Caricaturas Basura #3
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This comic zine is entirely in spanish but the art is so weird and good I had to buy it. Feels like some legit teen angst and derangement went into these cartoon scrawlings.
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