I was 15 when I developed a fetish for nuns. No, I wasn’t biting my thumb getting spanked in catholic school (I wish!). I rented a vhs called Ms .45. It was a rape revenge story about a mute woman who is raped twice on her way home from work and decides to kill all sleazy men. In the last scene she goes to a Halloween party dressed as a nun and it’s one of the sexiest scenes in movie history. Ever since that moment I’ve had a thing for nuns.

This shot is from MS 45 where I got my nun fetish from.

It’s definitely a little bit about the black and white color scheme and the years without sex but mostly it’s the clothes. The whole body is hidden! What’s under there? I like to imagine every nun has a perfect body, covered in skin tight lingerie and high heels. I feel the same way about the burka. What’s under there!? This fascination with nuns has always had me curious about Nunsploitation, the genre of films from the 70’s and 80’s where nuns have sex, kill or are just plain evil. Killer Nun is one of the most famous Nunsploitation films for, if nothing else, just the name alone!

Sister Gertrude has just had a brain tumor removed. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. She is losing her fucking mind and being a total bitch about it. First off she’s completely addicted to morphine and is constantly begging for more. Watching a nun beg for morphine ain’t cute. Eventually she has to go to the street and find it. On her way to score a guy hits on her. They end up having sex in an alley and it’s all very confusing. Is it rape? Does she like it? She fights and she moans but I imagine this is how most nun sex goes.

Gertrude thinks the tumor is still in her brain and growing. She hates all men and is super mean to everyone but who can blame her? Being a nun is hard! At one point an old lady kept talking at the dinner table so she took the ladies dentures out and stomps on them in front of everyone! What a jerk! The old woman freaks out, has a heart attack and dies. So what does Sister Gertrude do? She steals the woman's heirlooms and sells them in the town for more morphine! She’s just plain BAD! BAD NUN! But worst of all she’s killing people!

There are some really sexy moments in the film. Sister Gertrude’s younger sister-friend is constantly trying to have sex with her (and everyone else) and exposes her naked body at every chance. Unfortunately I didn’t get the incredible nun sex I was hoping for. How could they miss out on this opportunity!?

As I was watching Killer Nun I started realizing how sexy everything was for these nuns and priests. Everything was so intense for them, so erotic. Then it dawned on me! This is why religion was created...So these freaks can get off! Think about it. Nothing is sexier than doing what you’re not supposed to do. The taboo. The fetishized. So if you make EVERY sexual act taboo then the whole world is your porno. Whose life is more sexy than a nun’s life? A nun sees a guy in a speedo and that’s like hardcore porn for her! At the end of the day, if she slips up and has sex, all she needs to do is ask Christ for forgiveness and go about her business. She’s forgiven!

The moral of the story is: every time you see a nun remember they’re the horniest one’s in the room!