My Brain Hurts

 Art By Tomas Brewer

Art By Tomas Brewer

After I pissed myself the last time I got drunk, my phone wont let me unlock it unless I restart it.  I wonder if this was all plotted.  The phone still works, but now when I text, it repeats every letter to the point that it looks like I’m a stuttering idiot.  I’m not. I speak with perfect clarity.  But my phone disagrees. To all my “friends” it seems normal because I’m constantly hammered and sending weird texts.

 He's not lying and we didn't question it.

He's not lying and we didn't question it.

 

They semi question them, but assume it was on purpose.  It wasn’t.  My phone is fucked and I have to buy another one.  I’m poor and won’t. This time not because I threw it into a wall and destroyed it like that bad guy in Guardians of the Galaxy.

The phones that are water proof, are they also piss proof?  Either way, I’m too fucking poor to afford an $800 phone.  I want and need a phone that will survive all rage and absurdities.  And it must be cheap.  No one will ever make said phone though. Too many microchips and sci-fi unknowns go into these phones. And the science wizards that construct them don’t give a fuck or can never say that these things are pieces of shit cuz their douche CEO bosses won’t let them keep their integrity.  

Life is unfair and I agree. I accepted this long ago.  But if you created a phone that was supposed to survive these things and you just made people pay said amount as they bought it instead of fucking them over even though they were paying insurance for the phone, “But that only covers up to a certain amount and you’re 5’11 instead of 5’10” so you only get a $50 rebate”, then you’d probably make more money.  They would stick with you because you weren’t being shitheads.  I’m tired of switching phone providers like I switch banks every time they charge me for walking around with my dick out.  Give me a phone/plan that if I fuck up, you’ll give me a new one.  I’ll stay with you forever.  Unlike all my ex’s.

#Fuck phones

#Phones suck

#Fuck your Phone

#Your phone is a piece of shit