An Excerpt From Spider Log 189

To read the full article you gotta buy the mag!!! Get it HERE!

Being a web slinging super hero isn’t as easy you’d think. A ild case of the beer shits and alack for real human connection come standard with the job. It’s 11:30 and my phone won’t stop ringing. Kill Pretty wants an interview with the greatest protector this city has even known and I can’t find my fucking pants. Not feeling up to going under ground without being elevated, I down two tall cans and smoke a spidey joint before carring on with my endeavor.

I ride the train for free because this city owes me. There are countless citizens I’ve saved from the clutches of monotony while strolling down the boulevard with nothing to stare at but souvenir shops and hobos pissing in the corner. When I arrive at the Highland/Hollywood station there’s a crispness oin the air with a hint of desperation, and maybe rat poop. No sign of Megatron, Iron Man, or Silver Spray Paint All Over his Face And Suit Man. They must be upstairs saving society for dollar bills like modern day mercenaries who you hire for your shitty tourist pictures hen family comes to visit you and… oh shit I blacked out for a minute.

I might have drank too much… or maybe I’m still just drunk from the night before… or maybe this weed is laced with some other shit ‘cause mother fuckin’ kids are lookin’ at me like I’m some kind of drunk asshole instead of the hero they all worship. They’ve made movies about me god damnit! I’m givin’ out thumbs ups tellin’ kids not to do drugs knowing that’s their only escape from reality unless they get bit by a radioactive spider like me… Shit, I’m doing it again. Okay I just gotta find Nacho and that bearded bastard from last night that agreed to meet me here and get this over with so I can return to my web.I’m 45 minutes late ut I know they wouldn’t leave a spider hanging…

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Drunken Art Reviews

Drunken Art Reviews

When we're bored we'll throw Mr. Rich a bunch of paintings and stuff from the Juxtapoz website and see what he thinks. He gets no information on the artist or any context, just images. Here's our staff drunk talking contemporary art.

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My Brain Hurts

My Brain Hurts

After I pissed myself the last time I got drunk, my phone wont let me unlock it unless I restart it.  I wonder if this was all plotted.  The phone still works, but now when I text, it repeats every letter to the point that it looks like I’m a stuttering idiot.  I’m not. I speak with perfect clarity.  But my phone disagrees. To all my “friends” it seems normal because I’m constantly hammered and sending weird texts.

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Red Head

Red Head

My buddy's sister is a solid 11. Huge cans, firm ass, tight stomach, and loves to fuck with me when we're drunk. Sexually.

 

I remember it as if it were yesterday, because I'm a drunk and it seems like yesterday. It was my friends birthday, which one I will never remember, and after a night of sexy drinks and pointing out the ugly people, we retired to my buddy's apartment with his girlfriend at the time and his sister.  

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Dr Riches Failproof Bacon and Codeine Hangover Cure

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If enough people believe a "hangover" cannot be beaten, then that belief will sustain itself.  I have squashed that belief.  Squashed it with bacon and codeine. Provide them with the means, and they will test it, for it is an element of our lives that plagues us all. Please read forth.

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