Frog Reviews By Sarah Lew, An Excerpt
Does issue six of Kill Pretty feature long form interviews with graffiti icons, horror game changers, and obscure comic book artists? Absolutely. But the question you’re not asking is, does issue six of Kill Pretty feature reviews of different frogs? Hell yes it does. We’ve included a couple of these necessary and important reviews below, but you’ve got to buy the magazine to see how the rest of the frog community holds up.
The Los Angeles Food & Wine Festival by Jacob Shelton
Everyone in the pork tent is dressed to the nines, or rather, their version of being dressed to the nines. From my vantage point near a slowly revolving al pastor cyclone I try to count the number of salmon bow ties, tweed suit jackets, and cool linen suits topped off with tennis shoes, but it’s a futile endeavor. Everyone is whispering about Alton Brown’s egg tutorial that’s taking place later in the evening. “He’s coming,” they say. When I was given a free ticket to cover the Los Angeles Food & Wine Festival I assumed it would be an easy in and out gig where I could cobble together a free dinner made up of slightly upscale street cart food, get drunk, and walk home, but instead I’m standing by a spinning tower of meat, and trying to find the clearest path to an exit. I’ll make something up once I get home. It’s not like I didn’t try to cover the festival. This just isn’t the place for me, and I’ve already used up my two drink tickets. None of the other writers covering the event seem to know where the gratis tent for journalists is hidden, and there are rumors floating around about someone from the LA Times being sent out on a stretcher after they were tasered within an inch of their life for bringing in a flask.
Corner Store Critique: Larry the Cable Guy's "GIT-R-DONE GRUB" Biscuits n' Gravy
Purchasing:
I first stumbled across the meals about 6 months ago at The Dollar Tree, because of course they're sold there. This is a prime marketing example of supply and demand and really knowing your demographic. Everyone at The Dollar Tree at the time of purchase looked like walking bags of flour that have been mainlining bacon grease, and they all walked like they were chafing between the legs. A+ to Larry's team for nailing this one on the head.
One Sentence Album Reviews
As a Kill Pretty columnist and freelance writer I’m tasked with typing millions of words a day. Expecting me to take more than ten minutes to review all of the new music that’s come out in the last week/month/decided upon amount of time is Dickensian. If you’d like me to spend more time with your album please email sup@killprettymagazine.com to set up a specific amount of cash that you’d be willing to spend on a nice review and we’ll take care of the rest.