One Sentence Album Reviews

As a Kill Pretty columnist and freelance writer I’m tasked with typing millions of words a day. Expecting me to take more than ten minutes to review all of the new music that’s come out in the last week/month/decided upon amount of time is Dickensian. If you’d like me to spend more time with your album please email to set up a specific amount of cash that you’d be willing to spend on a nice review and we’ll take care of the rest.

an old timer record album

Tweedy – Sukierae 

This is great dad music, although my dad would probably say this album needs more guitar solos.

digital record album

Thom Yorke – Tomorrow’s Modern Boxes

I spent $6 on this album and I suppose it was worth it. If you enjoy having very boring sex or recently gave birth to a creepy baby that needs to go to sleep this record is a must.

a fashionable woman's record album cover

Banks – Goddess

I keep waiting on Drake to start rapping.

i am too chubby to wear this shirt

Perfume Genius – Too Bright

I listened to this album on a road trip and was chastised for not singing along. I like the album but am ambivalent about future road trips.

made up word album cover

Aphex Twin – Syro 

I listened to this record on the bus, a small asian woman gave me a hug and my head caved in.

there are not enough pieces

Julian Casablancas + The Voidz – Tyranny

In the mid 80s there was a heavy metal VHS compilation called “Hard ‘N Heavy,” this album sounds like most of the music on that tape.