Terrible Fucking Advice With Murdock St. James
/Sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James is back with his semi-monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice. Instead of sitting down for an interview like he promised, the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James was kind enough to send Kill Pretty a text message with 10 sex tips that he thought our readers would appreciate.
Don’t eat a full plate of nachos while watching one of the Fast and the Furious movies before having sex – you will puke. If that’s something you’re into please disregard this tip.
If they don’t have an opinion on the finale of The Sopranos then don’t fuck them.
Treat your lover like a sponge. Squeeze and twist them until you force liquid out. Figuratively. Also literally.
Nothing beats fucking in the sand if you like getting covered in fancy dirt.
Always ask a new partner if they’ve been tested. What were their SAT scores? Their PSATs? Their ACTs? What about their ITBS? Know your status.
Build a statue of your penis and give it to your new lovers so they know what they’re getting into.
Stick a rose in your urethra to make the night extra special.
Our mouths are the filthiest places on our body, so stop cursing so much.
It doesn’t matter what size your penis is, the reason no one likes you is your shitty fucking attitude, Colton.
If you’re taking too long to cum, think about your mom and you’ll ejaculate instantly. At least that’s what always works for me.
