Drunken Art Reviews
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“Dude!, WTF!?”
I haven’t talked to my mom in a while, so it’s good to see what she’s been up to. I just hope she isn’t giving all her retirement money to my future-ex-father-in-law in exchange for taking awful pictures of her. I wonder how many Easter watercolor kits it took to cover her royal largeness?
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Kill Pretty Toys is going out of business!
/Wand, dubbed 'Evil Stick', promises 'wonderful music', magic and fairies But underneath silver foil, it shows image of girl slitting wrists with knife Available from dollar store, it also emits cackling laugh and flashing lights 'I'm outraged,' said Nicole Allen, who purchased toy for her daughter, two Store's owner said it was parents' responsibility to read the wand's label He added that he believed the product was appropriate for older children 'For a five, six, seven, 10-year-old, I mean they see that on TV everyday'
Thrift Shop Tech Review: Tiger Electronics Deluxe Talkboy
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Sometimes in life, I feel like I’m doing okay. Well, even. Riding the crest of the remarkable wave that seems to only come ashore a few instances in any given lifetime, and one of those times is now. But then it all comes crashing down, breaking along the coast for all the little kids to fall down in while trying to skimboard, when Nacho phones me up and tells me I need to write a review. Fucking Kill Pretty.
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KILL PRETTY's Streaming Movie of the Week: 80 Blocks from Tiffany's
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Announcing Kill Pretty's first Streaming Movie of the Week: 80 Blocks from Tiffany's
Every thursday we will be uploading a new, weird, underrated movie for you to stream for one week!
Our first film is a 70's documentary following the daily lives of the Savage Skulls and the Savage Nomads in the South Bronx. Think real life Warriors.
Click here to watch 80 Blocks from Tiffany's
Double-Date
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About eight years ago, when my insecurity with women and desire to get laid still outweighed my determination to preserve my dignity, I went on a double-date and discovered what a double-date is. You might think you know the meaning of the term but you haven’t a clue...
Read MoreFlorida man accused of offering police officer chicken dinner for sex
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MELBOURNE, Fla. -
A Melbourne man offered to pay an undercover female police officer $3 and a chicken dinner in exchange for sex, according to police.Steven Torres, 32, was arrested Thursday in Sanford on charges of soliciting prostitution. According to police, Torres was one of seven men arrested during a Sanford police prostitution sting.
The officer posed as a prostitute near South 27th Street and South Orlando Drive, police said. Torres agreed to exchange chicken and cash for sex after a brief conversation, police said.
Torres was taken to jail but was later released on bond. He will be arraigned Dec. 1 at the Seminole County Courthouse.
You Can't Wait to Know This!
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Let's Check-In With Jessica Simpson!
Jessica Simpson will go shopping sometime next week week at an outdoor mall in Century City. She'll purchase a huge black tote bag, so black it is almost navy blue. Then she will waltz into a craft store and cut snowflakes out of a fragile antique brocade, so valuable and pretty and rare that the salesgirl cries real tears onto the floor...the commission on the sale alone will pay for many generations of her family (yet to even be born!) to attend the career colleges of their choice. Or not.
Moments later, Jessica will walk through the plate glass window of the high end kitchen supply store, "Sur Le Tablė." The blood red melamine dinnerware of next seasons stock will be called "Platelets" a "must have," according to Elle Decor and a huge success for the family run business in Atacapia, Illinois that manufactures them.
Simpson will get a cut of the profits and continue being insanely rich, boring and dumber than a placemat.
Read MoreThe Ins and Outs of Writing a Weekly Column
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Writing a column. From the outside it seems glamorous but when you’re in the middle of it there’s nothing more harrowing and nerve wracking. Currently I’m wrestling not only with what to write about this week but what I should be drinking while I do it and where I should type it up (these things are just as important as the actual writing). Some writers also have to deal with what to listen to while they work but I’ve slowly built a playlist of manuscript friendly music to guide me through the creative process (Rachmaninoff, Throbbing Gristle, Conway Twitty, Black Flag, etc.).
Although the sounds of my creative process are taken care of, there’s still the question of everything else that goes into writing a weekly column. Should I take a shower before I write? If so, how do I go about keeping my hair the perfect consistency of matted and soft (it usually takes a couple of days to achieve perfection)? Is it good for my computer if I write wet? The shower is definitely out.
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DEWitos
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SAASH (Semi Above Average Super Heroes)
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I love movies.
But everything is too epic now. People love comic book movies that have characters with crazy super powers that conquer evil in the end with some abnormal ability. I want more movies like Mystery Men. There’s no middle ground. Either you’re super powerful and have to use your strength combined with others to defeat the enemy or you’re some joe schmo that has to find his inner strength.
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