January 19, 2015

I Have Goals - By Katelyn Lacey

January 19, 2015/ Katelyn Lacey

I have goals. One of those goals is to be the coolest girl anyone has ever met before in their entire life. Think of the coolest person you know. I want that person to look at me and say, “Who is that human over there with the lily white freckled skin? Cheeks of rose, robust of bone, fresh of face, sly of wit? What is she doing over there? Oh, ok, I see what she’s doing now. She’s giving zero fucks, that’s what she’s doing. I wonder if she’s even capable to give a fuck? She’d probably have to work 70 hours a week to give a fuck. It’d be a full time job for that perfect redheaded creature with the fattest ass to give a fuck. And her leather jacket makes me forget that MJ ever wore one.”

January 19, 2015

Man goes down on woman at Dead Kennedys concert - First Punk Rock act committed in 20 years

January 19, 2015/ Jacob Shelton

First off, congratulations to the woman who went and got her pussy eaten right on stage at a Solona Beach Dead Kennedys concert Thursday night.

January 17, 2015

Clown Shoes with CLOWN TITS

January 17, 2015/ Nacho

Clown from TITS crew shows us how he uses he shoes to cause some damage in broad daylight. Visit http://2NinjasClothing.com for Ninja Gear Visit http://storenvy.com/therealtitscrew for Clown Art

January 15, 2015

Kill Pretty Skateboarding with Mc Nasty!

January 15, 2015/ Nacho

Here's Mc Nasty (world renowned skater) and his crew hitting up a local skatepark here in Los Angeles! Matt Markus did the edits.

January 15, 2015

Let's Start Sending Rivers Cuomo Fan Mail For Incubus

January 15, 2015/ Jacob Shelton

Recently, Weezer's Rivers Cuomo paid a visit to the web series Larry King Now where he told an interesting/creepy anecdote. Apparently he keeps getting fan mail for Incubus front man Brandon Boyd. “I get these elaborate fan packages, only they’re not for me, they’re for the singer of Incubus, Brandon Boyd,” Cuomo told King. “The bizarre thing is it’s happened at two different houses I’ve lived in over the years.”

January 14, 2015

Victor Cayro's Magic Pen(is)

January 14, 2015/ Nacho

There's talent and then there's psychotically crafted gifts from heaven. Well god must have been smoking something major when he shitted out Victor Cayro. Cayro or "The Bald Eagle" as his friends back at base like to call him, is the most unique and talented artist you can find today. He's decided to bless us with some scrapings here and there as long as we keep sending him vhs dubs of new movies and beer money.

For more of his art check out http://bald-eagles.tumblr.com/

Here's a little something he cooked up for this week:

January 14, 2015

Nancy Grace VS 2 Chainz

January 14, 2015/ Jacob Shelton

It shouldn't surprise anyone that Nancy Grace is a vocal opponent of the legalization of marijuana, placing her at odds with pretty much every rapper. Last night she held an unexpected debate with 2 Chainz, someone who would never be on my short list to go on television and debate anything. I wouldn't even expect him to debate the merits of owning more than one chain.

January 13, 2015

Revolt of the Water Heaters

January 13, 2015/ Mr. Rich

They say that if you take acid it stays in your spine forever. And that if you suffer a back injury later in life, it can be released and you’ll trip again. Do you think that’s true?

January 12, 2015

Riff Raff will take you to prom for 28K - totally worth it

January 12, 2015/ Jacob Shelton

Weirdo rap thing and internet personality Riff Raff has announced a delightful new source of income/getting people to talk about him. Yesterday on Instagram, Mr. Raff announced that for a mere $28,000 he'll make that most special of nights even more special. Yes, Riff Raff will take you to prom. But don't worry, you're not shelling out more than the annual wages of an average Wal-Mart employee just to slow dance with Riff Raff, you also get a limo, hotel suite, freestyle video, and the honor of being all over his Instagram for a week. Not too shabby. Oh, but you do have to be 18.

January 12, 2015

Double - O - Dumbass

January 12, 2015/ Nacho

A light afternoon mist poured over a massive manicured lawn. Groups of tables and chairs each with an enormous vase of flowers and two opened bottles of white and red wine were strewn everywhere. They were being attended to by hundreds of 20-30 somethings in white collared shirts. They were the catering. I was a fucking caterer.

It was good money though. I knew walking in I’d be leaving with over $100 and a huge free meal. What I didn’t know was that over the course of the night my friend would reveal a side of him I’d never known before.

January 09, 2015

Rock In Peace - 10 Bands Definitely Breaking Up in 2015

January 09, 2015/ Jacob Shelton

2015 has begun, and as Kill Pretty’s resident music know it all/sass machine, I think it’s important that we cleanse ourselves of the negative vibes of 2014 as we prepare for the even worse vibes coming in 2015. We can all admit that last year was mostly terrible. Save for a few personal highlights (a couple of friends got married and I ate the world’s largest hot dog), 2014 was full of terrible news. The police murdered people in the streets, we were tricked into caring about a Seth Rogen film, and an entire airplane disappeared. Worst of all, we were inundated with some truly awful music. If you read my last column, you’ll know that I liked a few songs last year but that's about it.