Crosswalk Buttons/Robot Penis By Mr. Rich

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Crosswalk Buttons/Robot Penis By Mr. Rich

There is a place out there, that when you push a crosswalk button, the traffic light automatically changes and you’re allowed to cross the road as easily as cutting in line if you’re Tony Danza.  Unfortunately, that place is not on this planet.

(Easiness of Tony Danza’s line cutting abilities vary depending on how well recognized he is and what particular establishment he is patronizing.)

Maybe it’s because no one knows how a crosswalk button actually works that leads to people tolerating them and continuing to use them, but I’m here to stay STOP. Just stop. You don’t need them anymore. You can be happy and free without them. Do they control you? Or do you control them? Chances are, they don’t work. Maybe they never worked. Maybe it’s all in your head. Maybe it’s some sick game for the robots that inhabit this planet that we aren’t supposed to know about. The pervy ones make themselves look like stop lights and make their robot private parts look like crosswalk buttons. So when you’re pressin’ that button you’re really getting a perverted space transformer’s rocks off. And that’s not cool!

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Bhagwan "Master of the Vagina" Rajneesh

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From DisInfo's Top 5 cult leaders that used sex to get their freak on and control minds at the same time:

 

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Bhagwan (which allegedly means “Master of the Vagina”) Shree Rajneesh, preached a mishmash of traditional meditation and Western therapies. His followers were asked to kick, bite, and scream at one another to release stress. When that was done his followers were encouraged to have as much sex with him and each other as they could. He was addicted to laughing gas and at one point had 93 Rolls Royces.

He called himself the worlds great lover and claimed to have had sex with more women than anyone in history. In fact, he probably could have had sex with a lot more if he didn’t decide to have his followers poison a bunch of people.

The Great New Years Brawl In Chicago by Carl Battista

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The Great New Years Brawl In Chicago by Carl Battista

We had sent the girls out to steal booze from the jewel-osco down on Harrison street. It was right on the cuff of the south side of Chicago and the racist employees where more concerned about crackheads stealing whatever than a few clearly underage white college kids perusing the cheap wine and such. It was the easiest way to get alcohol at the time. We were 18 and 19. The risk of using a fake and getting caught was about the same as trying to steal and getting caught. They came back with about 8 bottles of 30$ wine and a 2 liter bottle of Seagrams 7. Free and clear.

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Welcome to 50 Shades of Puke (NSFW) By Mr. Rich

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Welcome to 50 Shades of Puke (NSFW) By Mr. Rich

(Spoilers)(wait...who cares?)

If you had the luxury of being in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, you most likely also had the joy of experiencing one of the worst movies ever made. Not by choice. You’ll convince yourself that you made the choice, but you didn’t. You thought to yourself, “Well, if I go and watch this piece of shit with them, I’ll probably get laid. The good kind of laid.” It makes sense. We all do things that we don’t want to do at some point in order to get some, but this takes the cake, by far.

This year, 50 Shades of Grey made 80 Gagillion dollars on opening day. Valentine’s Day. Not because it was a good movie, but because 50% of people got duped into seeing it by their significant others because their boyfriend/girlfriend read the book and it got them undies more moist than watching Chris Hemsworth take off his shirt in Thor. The problem is that there is nothing to the story except for it’s sexuality and it didn’t transfer over to the movie because that would have basically been a porn. So there isn’t anything to the movie. The story originated as Twilight Fan Fiction, “THIS IS THE LEVEL OF WRITING WE ARE DEALING WITH FOLKS!” Unless Darren Aronofsky had done this movie and it was rated NC-17 or X(which no mainstream theater will carry), there was no way in hell this movie was going to be anything like the books.

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Hunter attacked by naked 'Sasquatch' asks: 'Why are you trying to kill me?'

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Hunter attacked by naked 'Sasquatch' asks: 'Why are you trying to kill me?'

One morning in October 2013, Jeff McDonald put on an orange hunting hat and headed out of his Manning home to spend a few hours prowling for deer in the nearby woods.

About a half-hour along the familiar path, a little more than a mile from home, the hunter spotted something strange in the distance. It looked like a person dressed head-to-toe in tan clothing.

"I thought, 'Man, that is really crazy for someone to be up here in deer season, to be wearing basically buck-skin-colored clothes,'" he said.

The person walked toward McDonald. He was naked. In one hand, he held McDonald's pruning saw.

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Sony just made a cassette tape that holds 64,750,000 songs

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For a time, the cassette tape absolutely dominated the sales market. In 1990 alone, a staggering 442 million tapes were sold. However, with the rise of the CD, the birth of the mp3, and the eventual resurrection of vinyl, sales dwindled, and by 2007 only a mere 274,000 individual cassettes were sold. Sure, cassette-centric labels like Kissability and Mirror Universe Tapes have offered the cassette a new and niche following, but it’s a clear sign of the times when the cassette’s accompanying Walkman is regarded like some alien artifact.

Now, though, Sony has brought the cassette back from the dead by unveiling a tape that can hold a whopping 148 gigabytes per square inch. If you can’t do the math, that’s 185 terabytes of total data. We’ll wait as you toss your iPod into the trash.

The tape, which was unveiled this weekend at the International Magnetics Conference in Dresden, holds approximately 74 times the amount of data of standard tapes. (For comparison, by 2010, most standard tapes could only store about 29.5 GB per square inch.)

 

For more info go here