Call Satan Live Ep. 6 - Start His Butt Like a Lawnmower
/The 3rd installment of the HARVEST MOON NIGHT OF EVIL! Humans try to be clever but the Dark Lord will have NONE OF IT! Also instructions on how to start your butt like a lawnmower.
Read MoreThe 3rd installment of the HARVEST MOON NIGHT OF EVIL! Humans try to be clever but the Dark Lord will have NONE OF IT! Also instructions on how to start your butt like a lawnmower.
Read MoreWhen you’re a 13 year old horror fan everything kind of runs together. You have nothing but time and an endless history of horror to consume. I remember whole years where I watched a movie or two every single day. 90% were horror. Yes it did affect me and no I don’t want to talk about it. The point is, through this endless stream of murder certain movies graze the surface and can actually fuck with your head. It’s rare, but they do. Xtro is a sick enough type of movie to just do that. It has claws in all the right places. So if you’re into being molested by a movie, by all means, read on!
Read MoreOne of the most recognizable fast food brands has opted for a bold new campaign strategy, one which changes the way its diners associates the company’s product with just being a kid. McDonald’s has launched a new ad campaign that claims little boys who chow down on Chicken McNuggets three to five times a week will grow big and strong like Ronald McDonald, and that they might even be stronger than their daddies if they eat enough.
Read MoreHello folks! Welcome to another nasty episode of CALL SATAN LIVE! This is part 2 of our Harvest Moon episode and it's very naughty! Be warned!
Read MoreBernard Kulp bursts into his kitchen carrying a stack of manila envelopes. Over the next five hours he’ll repeatedly pull from these files and point to lengthy paragraphs that have been scanned and copied so many times that they look as if the ink has fallen out of the words. The first thing he says to me is, “Is this really you or is it your consciousness?” I don’t know how to respond so I pick up my water glass and I say, “Me?” I’ve never felt more insane. “I’m pretty sure myself and my consciousness are here together.” Kulp scowls at me and says, “We’ll see.” He fingers his folders for a moment before drumming his fingers on the table. “It’s not that I think everyone who projects their consciousness from another dimension is an evil pedophile or something, it’s just what my research shows.” Kulp raises his fist quickly until it’s parallel to my face, I flinch and he seems satisfied with this response. “That’s good,” he whispers to himself, “very good.”
Read MoreAmerica is on the edge of it's seat to see what Will Smith does next! Jacob Shelton is here with the update!
Read MoreThe harvest moon has come and gone. Listen to the dirty people that want to talk to SATAN!
Read MoreYoutube videos seemed to be so innocent when I first started watching. Cat videos and DIY tutorials. Anyone could upload a video! Soon I found myself getting wrapped up in the secret truths all the sheeple in the world don’t want to look at. Youtube documentaries freed me from a life with my head in the sand. It also freed me from having a wife and children. But I’m a good father and I won’t let these kids down, even if they might in fact be alien hybrids!
Here are the top five conspiracies that killed my marriage:
Read MoreWe are all very surprised.
Read MoreWasn’t it just the weekend? And now you’re expected to spend another two days hanging out and waiting to go back to work? If you don’t know how to spend your weekend why not do it up Kill Pretty style? We asked some of your favorite Kill Pretty writers how they’re spending the weekend, feel free to copy, mix ‘em all up, or do something else and let us know what kind of trouble you got up to.
Read MoreKill Pretty spoke with five readers about how they spent Labor Day and their answers were as varied as our favorite nacho toppings. How did you spend your Labor Day? Basking in the sun or working for the man (hopefully for time and a half)?
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