September 11, 2020

Five Ways In Which Father Ruined My Slumber Party

September 11, 2020/ Nigel Wensleydale

Dear reader, you have no way of knowing the indignities that I’ve suffered because of father, that scoundrel of a man who’s deemed it his mission to make my life a living Heck. His antics are enough to make me want to swear out loud in front of Mother. He’s committed yet another series of atrocities, this time at the slumber party I hosted for my teammates on the fancy lad jumping rope team – here are the worst, although not all, of the acts committed by father.

September 09, 2020

An Excerpt From Our Interview With Mind Detrgnt

September 09, 2020/ Nacho

To read the full interview pick up issue 5, a thing you can do by clicking this link! Wow! HTML!

KP: What's Memphis like for graffiti?

MD: It's an awful place for graffiti. The biggest crew there is UH crew. I don't really like their shit, but that's what I grew up around. I didn't do shit like theirs. They do all that weird *makes ninja noises* crazy you know, complicated, illegible pieces and shit like that. I was never that into it. Me and my homie, we were both runaways and we would do shitty tags on Lexuses and shit like that. Me and him both wrote MIND DETRGNT. He never really got that into graffiti. He ended up getting more into music. He still plays music as MIND DETRGNT and he still makes collages that are MIND DETRGNT collages that are really cool. I used to do collages but I don't any more.

September 07, 2020

Kill Pretty Reviews: Being Tied To The Wheel

September 07, 2020/ Jacob Shelton

Being tied to the wheel is not for everyone. It’s certainly not for me, but I don’t want to write a review of something and just give it a one out of ten because it was a harrowing experience. I can see how some people would really enjoy being strapped to the wheel and spun around like some kind of rudimentary Wheel of Fortune board game piece.

September 04, 2020

Terrible Fucking Advice With Murdoch St. James

September 04, 2020/ Murdock St. James

Sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James is back with his semi-monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice. Instead of sitting down for an interview like he promised, the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James was kind enough to send Kill Pretty a Whats App message with 10 sex tips that he thought our readers would appreciate.

September 02, 2020

The Peacock King - A Lesson in Horror-Fu

September 02, 2020/ Nacho

When the four holes to Hell open up and Hell King is all pissed off and ready to fuck some shit up, who do you call? Two horny monks that have been training their whole lives! Yep, you heard me right, the Hell King is coming back to earth and we gotta stop him!

August 31, 2020

Kill Pretty Reviews: Thinking

August 31, 2020/ Jacob Shelton

As a professional thinker of sorts you’d assume that I’d give this explosion of electrons and neurons an instant 11 out of 10. That I’d be so high on my think throne that thinking would be my shit. Well you’re wrong. Thinking can go jump in a lake for all I care.

August 28, 2020

Call Satan Live Episode 2 - Demon Acid

August 28, 2020/ Nacho

The second episode is up! The minion takes acid in a butt, a girl poops in a cup and there’s a car crash, I promise!

August 24, 2020

Kill Pretty Reviews: Day Drinking

August 24, 2020/ Jacob Shelton

Day drinking offers the perverse pleasure of being on a slightly different wavelength than everyone else, but without having to take PCP or slam your head into a wall. It’s usually hot outside whenever you’re day drinking (or at least when I’m day drinking), and who doesn’t love downing half a bottle of champagne in the middle of 95 degree heat?

August 19, 2020

Sick Life Number 2

August 19, 2020/ Nacho

Sick Life is a comic strip by @MattDelight

He also writes Ruby Comics, which you can read HERE

August 10, 2020

Kill Pretty Reviews: VHS

August 10, 2020/ Jacob Shelton

The home video market fucked up when they began producing DVDs. What do I want an animated menu for? Director or (even worse) cast commentary? Drop that shit in a bucket of radioactive waste. No one cares what happened at craft services on the day you filmed the climactic fight scene between Mickey Rourke and a tiger.

August 05, 2020

Good Burger: The Epitome of Nostalgia TRASH

August 05, 2020/ Nacho

*CRACK fzzzzzz SLURP* Can you taste the nostalgia? Remember how great Good Burger was? What a classic comedy movie! I love buddy comedies, don’t you? Good Burger is the absolute perfect example of nostalgia TRASH. If you think of it in your mind, you can remember great things, but don’t look too close! The reality is empty and pathetic. Not only is Good Burger terrible, it serves as the perfect metaphor for the separation between adult and kid comedy. It is the beginning of that horrible Disney comedy we see running rampant today. Worst of all it assumes all children are stupid and by the ratings, maybe they’re right?