My Brain Hurts

My Brain Hurts

After I pissed myself the last time I got drunk, my phone wont let me unlock it unless I restart it.  I wonder if this was all plotted.  The phone still works, but now when I text, it repeats every letter to the point that it looks like I’m a stuttering idiot.  I’m not. I speak with perfect clarity.  But my phone disagrees. To all my “friends” it seems normal because I’m constantly hammered and sending weird texts.

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I Went Out on Wednesday Evening and a Gloom Cascaded Los Angeles

I Went Out on Wednesday Evening and a Gloom Cascaded Los Angeles

Gretchen and I were celebrating. Nothing particularly special, only the feeling of being alive and old enough to stay up past ten on a weeknight even though we both had places to be quite early in the morning. Gretch had gotten her hot little hands on a pair of tickets to see a hot French band in a miniscule secret venue; this was a one off show so these tickets were like rhino horn.  

 

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The Ins and Outs of Writing a Weekly Column

The Ins and Outs of Writing a Weekly Column

Writing a column. From the outside it seems glamorous but when you’re in the middle of it there’s nothing more harrowing and nerve wracking. Currently I’m wrestling not only with what to write about this week but what I should be drinking while I do it and where I should type it up (these things are just as important as the actual writing). Some writers also have to deal with what to listen to while they work but I’ve slowly built a playlist of manuscript friendly music to guide me through the creative process (Rachmaninoff, Throbbing Gristle, Conway Twitty, Black Flag, etc.).

 

Although the sounds of my creative process are taken care of, there’s still the question of everything else that goes into writing a weekly column. Should I take a shower before I write? If so, how do I go about keeping my hair the perfect consistency of matted and soft (it usually takes a couple of days to achieve perfection)? Is it good for my computer if I write wet? The shower is definitely out.

 

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Did you find everything okay?

Did you find everything okay?

A few weeks ago, I woke up in one of my "disrupt the universe, fuck up the system" moods, which can start with eating a different type of cereal for breakfast and end with making the foreign guy at work profoundly uncomfortable by engaging him in a deep and an earnest discussion about my sex life.  This type of mood generally strikes me when I'm bored or constipated, or, heaven forbid, when I’ve managed to achieve both boredom and constipation.  

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Dr Riches Failproof Bacon and Codeine Hangover Cure

 Dr Riches Failproof Bacon and Codeine Hangover Cure

If enough people believe a "hangover" cannot be beaten, then that belief will sustain itself.  I have squashed that belief.  Squashed it with bacon and codeine. Provide them with the means, and they will test it, for it is an element of our lives that plagues us all. Please read forth.

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Let's Give The Moon Another Shot

Let's Give The Moon Another Shot

There are days, weeks even, when I think about returning to the moon; not that I’ve ever been. Going to the moon used to mean something, every few years our great nation would stretch it’s space legs and the world would squint into the sky and try to partake in the spectacle. Other countries tried to replicate our success but we were truly the master of the cosmos. Now that our eyes are set on colonizing Mars we’ve all but given up on sauntering across the chalky landscape of our once great conquest.

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