So you’ve done it. You’re an essential worker who’s 16 or older and you’ve faced down the needle in a Walgreens/CVS/baseball stadium parking lot and you’re free to walk the streets without fear of catching the dreaded coronavirus. In most cities and counties mask mandates are still in place, and it’s likely that at least half of your friends are still trying to find a vaccine appointment, so what can you do while you wait to hug everyone you know? I’m glad you asked.

1. Lick The Sidewalk

Now that you have a spanking new vaccine coursing through your veins there’s no better time than the present to test your immune system. Get out there and stick your tongue on the sidewalk and see what happens.

2. Get Another Vaccination Just For Fun

No one knows how the variants and mutations of the Covid-19 virus will affect those of us who’ve received the vaccine regardless of whether it was manufactured by Moderna, Pfizer, or Johnson & Johnson, so it only makes sense to sign up for another round of inoculation just to be safe.

3. Rob A Taco Bell

You’ve always wanted to knock over a Taco Bell, we all have, and now’s the time to do it. Realistically there are only a few months left before the country reopens in a big way and we’re back to business as usual. Use these final few months of mask mandates to kick open the employee entrance of your local Taco Bell (or maybe a Taco Bell that’s 50 miles away from where you live) and hold everyone hostage while you get your fill of Crunch Wraps, Queso-Slop, and Guacamole Pops. YUM!

4. Punch A Cop

Admittedly you can do this whenever, but it would just be cool if you did it sooner than later.

5. Open A Bar And Commit Tax Fraud

People have been cooped up for an entire year and now they’re gagging to go out and pay for overpriced drinks in a social setting. They don’t care if they’re drinking $12 pinot in a parking lot or $7 IPA in horse trough, and you shouldn’t either. All you need is a cash register, some cheap booze, and loud music and you’re good to go. It doesn’t matter when you’re open, the hipsters, barflies, and attention starved will pack your parking lot, rooftop, or one bedroom apartment and leave you flush with cash. While the rest of the bars in your town are waiting to “legally” open their doors you’ll be rolling in cash. Just make sure to get it sanitized first.

You can follow Jacob Shelton on Twitter and Instagram or read more of his work in Mindfuck or in like every issue of Kill Pretty.