Resident expert Jacob Shelton knows just about everything about anything, and that’s why he’s the perfect person to review and consider the wide range of topics that are available in this strange, chaotic world.

Thinking - 2/10

As a professional thinker of sorts you’d assume that I’d give this explosion of electrons and neurons an instant 11 out of 10. That I’d be so high on my think throne that thinking would be my shit. Well you’re wrong. Thinking can go jump in a lake for all I care.

My sources state that thinking is necessary for day to day life (although they’ve yet to be fact checked), but even if they’re accurate I’d still like to be hit in the head with a rock until all I can remember is how to play Grand Theft Auto (any of the versions with 3D graphics, the 2D gives me a migraine). Thinking may help me pay the bills (which is debatable), but the pitter patter of my brain keeps me awake throughout the night while replaying embarrassing memories from high school.

There’s a considerable amount of good that can be done by turning your brain off for a while. I’m not saying that we should all walk around like drooling nomads unable to remember where we placed our keys, but we do need something to turn down the background noise for a few hours, if nothing else so I can get some sleep.

Thinking, consider yourself reviewed.

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