Down The Rabbit Hole With Jacob Shelton: An Afternoon With Bernard Kulp

Down The Rabbit Hole With Jacob Shelton: An Afternoon With Bernard Kulp

Bernard Kulp bursts into his kitchen carrying a stack of manila envelopes. Over the next five hours he’ll repeatedly pull from these files and point to lengthy paragraphs that have been scanned and copied so many times that they look as if the ink has fallen out of the words. The first thing he says to me is, “Is this really you or is it your consciousness?” I don’t know how to respond so I pick up my water glass and I say, “Me?” I’ve never felt more insane. “I’m pretty sure myself and my consciousness are here together.” Kulp scowls at me and says, “We’ll see.” He fingers his folders for a moment before drumming his fingers on the table. “It’s not that I think everyone who projects their consciousness from another dimension is an evil pedophile or something, it’s just what my research shows.” Kulp raises his fist quickly until it’s parallel to my face, I flinch and he seems satisfied with this response. “That’s good,” he whispers to himself, “very good.”

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An Excerpt From Our Interview With Henry Zebrowski

An Excerpt From Our Interview With Henry Zebrowski

KP: How did you first get involved with Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell?

HZ: I just auditioned for it. As an actor I think a lot of people think we all sit and I have a pile of scripts and I get to just go through shit and be like, “This one’s great, this one’s going to hurt my reputation”. But no, you just take whatever is fed to you like a seal. Then like a seal we’re trained to perform with electric shock. I went and auditioned for the show. I actually auditioned really early and I didn’t hear anything for two months so I figured it was over. Then I got a call back in LA. I walk in and it’s the first time I’m in a room with Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. I go in and I meet Chris Kelly and Dave Willis (the creators) and we just kind of hit it off. I started going off script and they liked that. I knew the vibe they were going for which is Aqua Team vibe, which is really insane circumstances with really casual banter, humor. I just picked up on that and I was just lucky. This is just the type of show that if I saw another dude doing this show I’d fucking kill him in his sleep and take his place.

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Call Satan Live Ep. 3 - Midget Threesome

Call Satan Live Ep. 3 - Midget Threesome

Finally the dark lord himself gets to give a little relationship advice! How to properly handle a midget threesome, make your dad an extra special egg salad and one free mansion in CHINO HILLS! All this and much more! Come listen to Satan himself wheelin’ and dealin’!

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Satanic Activity Book For Children!

Recently Orange County, Florida decided to allow an Evangelical group to disseminate Christian materials in public schools. The Satanic Church decided to disseminate their own "materials" in the form of a children's satanic activity book.

 

Yes it's as cool as you fucking think. Download it HERE.