Sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James is back with his semi-monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice. Instead of sitting down for an interview like he promised, the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James was kind enough to send Kill Pretty a text message with 10 sex tips that he thought our readers would appreciate.

1. From now until October 1 butts are to be referred to as a “Golden Corral” because they’re all you can eat.

2. Ear wax, is it lube? Maybe.

3. My favorite sexual position is anything where I’m asleep because I’m SO FUCKING TIRED

4. Shower sex is great because it’s an easy way to trick your partner into washing their disgusting legs.

5. Anyone can be shower, but not everyone can be a grower.

6. Fucking on the floor can be fun, but make sure you have renter’s insurance first.

7. The results are in and ear wax cannot be used as lube

8. Can’t think of a good safe word? Use mine, “6FtR3!sX9io0v”

9. Trying anal sex for the first time? Eat a plate of nachos before hand to give your partner a “surprise.”

10. Stay educated! Read a book during sex.