Terrible Fucking Advice With Murdock St. James

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Sexual intellectual, Murdock St. James is back with his semi-monthly offering of sex tips, cunnilingus concepts, and anal advice. Instead of sitting down for an interview like he promised, the author of An Evening With You and Your Genitals and Murdock St. James was kind enough to send Kill Pretty a text message with 10 sex tips that he thought our readers would appreciate.

  • Fucking in front of a window is considered group sex.

  • And yes, if someone walking a dog passes by you have committed bestiality.

  • Men, measure your genitals from navel to tip for a more impressive, albeit less accurate size.

  • It’s completely normal to have erotic dreams about your mother, I do it every night (have dreams about your mother)

  • Going to a sex party? Don’t forget to bring a sex-party sub!

  • If you lose your watch inside someone it’s best to just get a new one.

  • Never use more than a handful of lube.

  • It’s important to discuss boundaries with your partner: personal, national, and oceanic.

  • Always stretch before, after, during, and while thinking about sex.

  • Stop referring to the people you’ve slept with as your “body count.” Instead, use the term “genital menagerie.”