You Can't Wait To Know This!
Casting News!! Mariah Carey Lands Role in J.J. Abram's 'Star Wars'!
High-society-butterfly-loving-five-year-old-fat-girl Mariah Carey has been cast in the latest installment of the Star Wars franchise. When asked how he decided that she was right for the iconic role, J.J. said "I saw her (Mariah) eating whole buckets of deep fried cornish game hen at The Patio restaurant (at the Chateau Marmont) and knew she would be perfect and she told me her husband (Soon to be ex-husband, Nick Cannon, who everyone always says "Really?! He's married to her?!") chewed through the leash that Mariah had kept him tethered to her bedpost for the past few years. And it occurred to me that's just like the other Jabba did with Princess Leia in the other movie! But this one will be better with lens flares." Uh-huh. That's why he gets to "re-imagine" every damn movie franchise from our youth.
I can see the logic in his casting though. Jabba ate alien frogs, Mariah eats anything. And you know why? Because she's a diva. You don't get to tell a diva or a Jabba what to eat. I mean, she ate Nick Cannon's soul, didn't she?
One Sentence Album Reviews
As a Kill Pretty columnist and freelance writer I’m tasked with typing millions of words a day. Expecting me to take more than ten minutes to review all of the new music that’s come out in the last week/month/decided upon amount of time is Dickensian. If you’d like me to spend more time with your album please email sup@killprettymagazine.com to set up a specific amount of cash that you’d be willing to spend on a nice review and we’ll take care of the rest.
Dr Riches Failproof Bacon and Codeine Hangover Cure
If enough people believe a "hangover" cannot be beaten, then that belief will sustain itself. I have squashed that belief. Squashed it with bacon and codeine. Provide them with the means, and they will test it, for it is an element of our lives that plagues us all. Please read forth.
'Vampire grave' found in Bulgaria
A “vampire grave” containing a skeleton with a stake driven through its chest has been unearthed by a man known as “Bulgaria’s Indiana Jones”.
Professor Nikolai Ovcharov – a crusading archaeologist who has dedicated his life to unearthing mysteries of ancient civilisations – said that he had made the discovery while excavating the ruins of Perperikon, an ancient Thracian city located in southern Bulgaria, close to the border with Greece.
The city, inhabited since 5,000 BC but only discovered 20 years ago, is believed to be the site of the Temple of Dionysius – the Greek God of wine and fertility. And among the finds at the site, which includes a hilltop citadel, a fortress and a sanctuary, are a series of “vampire graves”.
CLICK THE IMAGE TO READ MORE
Hunter S. Thompson's 1958 Cover Letter for a Newspaper Job
In October 1958, a pre-fame Hunter S. Thompson applied for a job at the Vancouver Sun. The Ottawa Citizen recently published the quintessentially-Hunter cover letter, which also appeared in The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967 (The Fear and Loathing Letters, Vol. 1). Here it is:
Avenging Force (1986)
Going to the theaters in 2011 is disgusting. Secret government agents, spies and lethal assassins. All that sounds cool in theory but the reality is BORING. I love a secret agent as much as the next guy but what does Jason Bourne have to lose? What pain does Liam Neeson really feel? Lets travel back to the 80’s where the enemy really hit you were it hurts, where a cops family could be slaughtered, a soldiers sister might get raped, and who knows? Even our hero could die…
