January 21, 2015

The Reptilian Conspiracy REVEALED With Reptile Afterbirth

January 21, 2015/ Nacho

In case you haven't heard, there's a new boss in the rap game. Not only is he the number one spitter from down under, he's also a key figure in the reptile conspiracy. If you aren't already shouting his name, he is REPTILE AFTERBIRTH.

He's been rapping for years in Australia, breaking it down and keeping it real. Recently he's gained world wide acclaim for his youtube videos revealing deep secrets in the ancient reptilian conspiracy. We sat down with Mr. Afterbirth to get the real scoop.

How was the reptilian conspiracy revealed to you?

My uncle used to lock me in a cupboard and play 'reptilian conspiracy' with me after dark but I've since made some resolutions, so this year is gonna be different.

January 19, 2015

I Have Goals - By Katelyn Lacey

January 19, 2015/ Katelyn Lacey

I have goals. One of those goals is to be the coolest girl anyone has ever met before in their entire life. Think of the coolest person you know. I want that person to look at me and say, “Who is that human over there with the lily white freckled skin? Cheeks of rose, robust of bone, fresh of face, sly of wit? What is she doing over there? Oh, ok, I see what she’s doing now. She’s giving zero fucks, that’s what she’s doing. I wonder if she’s even capable to give a fuck? She’d probably have to work 70 hours a week to give a fuck. It’d be a full time job for that perfect redheaded creature with the fattest ass to give a fuck. And her leather jacket makes me forget that MJ ever wore one.”

December 15, 2014

THRIFT SHOP TECH REVIEW: APPLE IPHONE 4S by Ignatius J. Really

December 15, 2014/ mattsweder

I didn't feel like going to Goodwill this week. Take that, Kill Pretty.

I did, however, finally get an iPhone. It's a 4s, let's not get ahead of ourselves, but it is a step in the right direction. Or so I'm told. It's not exactly an old, vintage piece of technology, but all you teeny-bopper Beliebers might say so, since they're on the iPhone 1,476 by now.

November 15, 2014

Thrift Shop Tech Review: Tiger Electronics Deluxe Talkboy

November 15, 2014/ mattsweder

Sometimes in life, I feel like I’m doing okay. Well, even. Riding the crest of the remarkable wave that seems to only come ashore a few instances in any given lifetime, and one of those times is now. But then it all comes crashing down, breaking along the coast for all the little kids to fall down in while trying to skimboard, when Nacho phones me up and tells me I need to write a review. Fucking Kill Pretty.

READ THE REST HERE!

November 05, 2014

Thrift Shop Tech Review: Akai CR-81D 8 Track Stereo

November 05, 2014/ mattsweder

Fuck you, Kill Pretty. Why can’t I sit at home and drink my whiskey in peace?

I’m headed to the Goodwill in downtown because I think, “Fuck it. Today is just as good as any other to die,” and on my way I see an American Apparel billboard ad.

I don’t see why everyone talks so much shit on these ads. They’re like public porn appealing to the modern day pervert. In the masses. It’s great. Those giant billboards—aside from being the culprit to many a car accident—give the homeless something to jerk off to.

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October 25, 2014

Thrift Shop Tech Review: GE Tape Cassette Walkman

October 25, 2014/ mattsweder

So Kill Pretty had this horrible idea of assigning me to a tech review column. When I told them I knew shit about technology—which they should’ve gathered, since Nacho had to explain to me in full detail, as if I were an intoxicated infant, how exactly Twitter worked—they came up with this idea of me reviewing vintage electronic equipment. So this is my initiation.

CLICK HERE TO DUUUU THE REST BIG UP!