Nothin' like Old People and Porn

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I Have Goals - By Katelyn Lacey

I Have Goals - By Katelyn Lacey

I have goals. One of those goals is to be the coolest girl anyone has ever met before in their entire life. Think of the coolest person you know. I want that person to look at me and say, “Who is that human over there with the lily white freckled skin? Cheeks of rose, robust of bone, fresh of face, sly of wit? What is she doing over there? Oh, ok, I see what she’s doing now. She’s giving zero fucks, that’s what she’s doing. I wonder if she’s even capable to give a fuck? She’d probably have to work 70 hours a week to give a fuck. It’d be a full time job for that perfect redheaded creature with the fattest ass to give a fuck. And her leather jacket makes me forget that MJ ever wore one.”

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MARVL US Interview Part 2

MARVL US Interview Part 2

You have a very specific one liner bus hopper type tag. Is that where it originated? Hopping busses?

That was from scribing bus windows. There are elements to a graffiti letter, right? A. It has gotta look cool B. you gotta do it fast so you can get up in a sick spot and make it look natural. Another kid gave me props for being on so many bus windows. I always had a rock. I didn’t even use the little grinder, scriber  tool. That’s cool but in terms of not being caught with a pocketful of utensils or whatever, the best thing is to find a small rock with a sharp side to it right before you get on the bus and when you’re done with it you just chuck it. But basically it’s just from scribing windows and wanting to do it really fast and if you stop and start too much it will look funky.

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Medical Exam by Sir Surly Fetus

Medical Exam by Sir Surly Fetus

I don't like to brag but, for someone who has not yet turned thirty - or forty, for that matter - I've had quite a few prostate and rectal exams.  As a result, I now approach the prospect of undergoing such exams with relative ease.  I also fancy myself something of a connoisseur in the domain of bowel movement regularity as a "haver" of IBS.  In fact, a separate blog entry may have to be devoted to this topic exclusively, as my knowledge of dietary fiber sources, stool softeners and laxatives, as well as of coping with cramps and flatulence, can hardly be contained in the confines of a modest paragraph.  Those of you who cannot bear to wait for my next article to be enlightened by my scatological expertise are encouraged to contact me privately.  Please include the phrase "help me shit" in the subject line of your email.

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XMAS NEWS: Screech Stabbed a Dude

XMAS NEWS: Screech Stabbed a Dude

Police on Friday arrested Dustin Diamond, better known as "Screech" in the early 1990s sitcom "Saved by the Bell," in a stabbing incident at a bar in Port Washington, Wisconsin.

Diamond, 37, of Port Washington, was charged with three misdemeanors: second-degree recklessly endangering safety; carrying a concealed weapon; and disorderly conduct, use of a dangerous weapon, according to a press release from the police.

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