The Munchkin Mafia

The Munchkin Mafia came in again today. The last time they came in the leader asked me if I glued my vagina shut. This was an honest question.  He explained to me that women’s vaginas were supposed to be open.  He wanted to know what kind of strange parlor trick this was?! I tried to explain to him through clenched teeth that vaginas were like belly buttons ... innies & outties. 

He was unconvinced. 

Which is why today after making a very loud puking noise that I kind of hoped could be heard over the Post Malone I hid behind the Christmas tree. He found me. He came over sheepishly being led by a twenty dollar bill in his hand. Eyes pleading. He asked me for a couch dance. I gave him a forced smile with what I hoped was a very telling look in my eye. I accepted his peace offering. Sure. 

I stood on the couch above him looking anywhere but at him. 

And that’s when I heard it. 

THANK YOU LITTLE BUTT. 

The leader of the Munchkin Mafia just called me little butt.