Dear Time Magazine,
Please hear my case.
When all logic escapes out the window what do you do?
Everyone has had that moment where you open a drawer and what you are looking for isn’t there. Or your phone or keys aren’t where you left them. But we accept these things. But what about when your significant other morphs into an 8 foot tall monster with 4 arms and 2 mouths?
What do you do then?
I murdered my girlfriend. Everyone knows that.
But why am I in jail?
I came home one night after my league championship game for bowling. We won.
Terra, my girlfriend, had made pork chops and asparagus and all was well. Afterwards she wanted to watch Pretty Little Liars and I didn’t.
That’s when it happened.
She went into convulsions. I was frightened and didn’t know what to do. Then she started clawing at her face. She ripped her flesh away to reveal a hideous purple monster from another world. Then she tore off her clothes and the rest of her skin to reveal something that looked similar to GORO from Mortal Kombat. I screamed in terror and ran to my room. I grabbed my .22 from the closet as she lunged through the doorway.
Time stood still. This other-worldy demon vs me. I loved my girlfriend, but had to protect myself.
When the police brought me in and questioned me they said she looked normal. She must have morphed back. These things did happen. Please believe me.