Like millions of responsible adults right now you’re stuck inside with no real concept of what’s happening. You know what the news is telling you, but if my eyes – the eyes of someone who’s always online, never without a computer monitor more than a few feet away from my face – are starting to hurt then you’ve got to have blood spraying from your corneas right about now. You deserve a break. Close your laptop, turn your phone off, and close out of Zoom, whatever that is, and just be your worst self right now.

I’m not advocating for you to go out and start jamming steak knives into your neighbors (you know the ones), I just want to give you permission to do that thing you’ve been thinking about for the last few years. You know the thing. Maybe you’re trying to shove something where things aren’t normally shoved. Maybe you want to dig a giant hole in your yard and see what you find. Maybe you just want to eat $15 dollars worth of Taco Bell in one sitting. Today’s the day.

More than likely when this is all over we’ll find ourselves with a dire need to connect. You and I and everyone who survives will gather in the parks and bars and hide the weirdest parts about ourselves no matter how weird we think we may be. If you don’t commit your personal ultimate sin you’ll regret it until the next global pandemic sweeps you away on a wave of pestilence.

You can follow Jacob Shelton on Twitter and Instagram or read more of his work in Mindfuck or in like every issue of Kill Pretty.