My Fuck-It List by Mr. Rich

10. Raise a cow from birth, love it, name it Daisy, feed it only the best grass and shit that cows eat, read it bed time stories, build it a nice warm barn for it to live in, put a tv with cable out there so it can watch cartoons or whatever cows like, and then a year later...BOOM! Shoot that thing in the head, have it butchered, and enjoy all the my delicious meats for the next year to come.



9. Write an autobiography on GOD.


8. Develop an age reversing serum, reverse my age to 5 years old, then build a time machine, go back in time and try and bait Michael Jackson.


7. Once rich off my age reversing serum, buy the state of Wyoming, divide it into 12 sectors, each sector representing a month of the year, constantly cycling through the set amount of days for that month(i.e. reaching the end of the month and then restarting from the beginning), all people living there are players and have to act out that month as if it were truly happening(otherwise I have them executed), live in the 10th sector(also known as the Dark Sector or All Hallows Sector), get a job as someone who jumps out and scares people going through a Halloween maze, do this til the cocaine runs out.


6. Fuck a Furry while I’m dressed as a hunter, perhaps kill and eat said Furry after intercousre depending on my mood at the time.


5. Start a snow globe manufacturing company. But instead of cute, cuddly winter landscapes or monuments that have the city’s name below, the snow globes contain exact reenactments of all the worst events that have occurred throughout mankind’s existence. And on the front of each one it says “Have a nice day.”.


4. Open a restaurant chain called, “Outback Outback Steakhouse”. I would build every individual restaurant right behind an Outback Steakhouse. I would serve everything that is on their menu, but for a dollar cheaper.


3. Hire a necromancer, go to Charles Bukowski’s grave, bring the dude back to life, go out and get drunk with him, hang out with some whoores, and at the end of the night get him to name a drink after me. Then never sleep again because he won’t leave me alone.


2. Own a pair of Aqua colored socks. Not necessarily wear them. Perhaps get them framed. Then when people come over to my house they will see the framed aqua socks and ask, “Hey, what’s up with those socks?”. And I will sadly respond, “I don’t want to talk about that.”.

1. Stalk Scarlet Johansson via the internet to the point that I receive a cease and desist order, print that out on fancy paper, somehow trick her into autographing it, get it framed, hang it above my fireplace mantel above my snow globe collection.