Enlightenment Inc. By Sean Conforti

Enlightenment Inc. By Sean Conforti

When I was in university I cleaned a yoga studio in exchange for one free class per week- because enlightenment/liberation/metaphysical masturbation tend to be prohibitively expensive.  I did a teacher training program a few years ago, and this is the healthy perspective from which I view the larger community of yoga people

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Skating Curbs

Skating Curbs

I like skating curbs. I moved to LA from western Massachusetts so I could skate curbs year round. I still suck at slappies. I still suck at skating, as a matter of fact. I don't care. Skating is this thing that allows me to cope with not having that many friends by taking my mind off stuff. Also, when I do happen to skate with other people, I get to pretend I do have friends that share my interests for a while, so that's tight. This particular skate spot I go to a lot accommodates all forms of feeble, boardslide, and otherwise dipped slappy variations, but I still just do frontside slappies and practice nollie flips. By myself. Almost every night. My life is really fucking full. So I'm skating at my favorite well lit curb, alone, as is my style , and this dude pulls up in a slightly battered white honda. He rolls down the window, and I see a dude with frosted tips looking out at me past the battered dashboard and glovebox with a look of mystery.

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Welcome to 50 Shades of Puke (NSFW) By Mr. Rich

Welcome to 50 Shades of Puke (NSFW) By Mr. Rich

(Spoilers)(wait...who cares?)

If you had the luxury of being in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, you most likely also had the joy of experiencing one of the worst movies ever made. Not by choice. You’ll convince yourself that you made the choice, but you didn’t. You thought to yourself, “Well, if I go and watch this piece of shit with them, I’ll probably get laid. The good kind of laid.” It makes sense. We all do things that we don’t want to do at some point in order to get some, but this takes the cake, by far.

This year, 50 Shades of Grey made 80 Gagillion dollars on opening day. Valentine’s Day. Not because it was a good movie, but because 50% of people got duped into seeing it by their significant others because their boyfriend/girlfriend read the book and it got them undies more moist than watching Chris Hemsworth take off his shirt in Thor. The problem is that there is nothing to the story except for it’s sexuality and it didn’t transfer over to the movie because that would have basically been a porn. So there isn’t anything to the movie. The story originated as Twilight Fan Fiction, “THIS IS THE LEVEL OF WRITING WE ARE DEALING WITH FOLKS!” Unless Darren Aronofsky had done this movie and it was rated NC-17 or X(which no mainstream theater will carry), there was no way in hell this movie was going to be anything like the books.

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Is Your Cat an Asshole? By Tyler Nacho

Is Your Cat an Asshole? By Tyler Nacho

All animals are not created equal, but we want to pretend they are. I know I did. I loved my pets growing up. Even walking through the streets today It’s pretty hard for me not to stop to pet a puppy or obsess over some insanely cute dog. Funny cat videos, although cliche as hell, never really seem to get old. Animals are adorable wonderful fucking things and we all love them. Unfortunately they are not all nice. Some pets piss on your clothes, take dumps on your bed and vomit on your tupperware. All while looking you in the eyes, challenging you. Some pets are assholes.

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The Wall aka Drinking like a Scientist instead of a Beast

The Wall aka Drinking like a Scientist instead of a Beast

I think I hit the wall last weekend. A friend was in town and we drank for three days straight. By three days I mean all day every day. And by the third day we were up till the sun rose walking like zombies through downtown LA fucked up and fucked. I got little sleep that night, waking up every 15 minutes like a lunatic. The next day was okay. I was tired and fuzzy. Not too bad. Little did I know the wall was still ahead of me. I was still coasting on fumes and hadn’t succumbed to the hangover yet. That night I got a perfect 8 hours. Like a fucking rock. Who knew what my body had in store for me?

 

I woke up in horror. My whole body ached. Ached like I had just run the mile 50 times with a rock in my shoe. Ached like I had been chewed up and spit out. My head hurt, I was dizzy and I was sweating hot and freezing cold. Was I sick? No, I was hung over and 30.

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Faschism! By Eric Gruber

Faschism! By Eric Gruber

Welcome to the first installment of Faschism - where it doesn’t matter what you did, but how you looked while you were doing it


If you want to turn your country into a police state, exterminate thousands of innocent lives, and suppress all forms of freedom, you need to make some bold appearance choices.  Can you imagine whipping a crowd into a frenzy dressed in some off–the-rack outfit? You think you can brainwash the huddled masses wearing a polo shirt and cargo shorts? Ain’t gonna happen.  No such thing as a basic bully pulpit.

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I Have Goals - By Katelyn Lacey

I Have Goals - By Katelyn Lacey

I have goals. One of those goals is to be the coolest girl anyone has ever met before in their entire life. Think of the coolest person you know. I want that person to look at me and say, “Who is that human over there with the lily white freckled skin? Cheeks of rose, robust of bone, fresh of face, sly of wit? What is she doing over there? Oh, ok, I see what she’s doing now. She’s giving zero fucks, that’s what she’s doing. I wonder if she’s even capable to give a fuck? She’d probably have to work 70 hours a week to give a fuck. It’d be a full time job for that perfect redheaded creature with the fattest ass to give a fuck. And her leather jacket makes me forget that MJ ever wore one.”

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