Word On The Street: Joaquin Phoenix is a Minotaur!!! (PHOTOS!)

In a world where the corporate news conglomerates shovel bile down your throats for a dollar, we at Kill Pretty bring you the truth straight from the source: THE STREETS.

The taco truck guy down the street from my house told me he’s Joaquin Phoenix’s neighbor and he’s been watching him over his fence for the past year. Joaquin has been turning into a Minotaur and has been forced to hire a construction crew to build a labyrinth around himself in order to protect his family from inevitable bowel dismemberment.

My source says that Mr. Phoenix has been extra moody about the transformation lately and he has a small rash on his left elbow that we are all very concerned about.