I Need To Make My Life More Interesting

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This morning I woke up with the strangest feeling – I don’t want to do anything. Oh sure I’ll make coffee and put on a robe so I don’t flash the neighbors peeking through my curtains, but when it comes to doing any actual work it’s just not happening. Case in point: In the middle of the last sentence I stopped to watch an episode of Survivor before staring out the window for 20 to 30 minutes.

The sad part about this whole thing is that I’m not stoned. If I waked and baked (woked and boked?), or accidentally had an edible for breakfast instead of eating fried rice leftovers then I’d understand my current lethargy. It’s been two days since I typed the most recent sentence, since then I compiled a list of things that I could do to spice up my life:


  • Glue those door stoppers that go “boi-oi-oing” to my toes

  • Eat a pound of sugar and see what happens

  • Dig a hole in my landlord’s backyard to find ground water or buried treasure

  • Figure out how many fireman’s axes I can carry at one time

  • Give myself a stick n poke tattoo of my own face (not necessarily on my face)

  • Work the phrase “Ta-Da!” into my everyday vocabulary

  • Start Wearing A Cape

  • Can I be a king of a small nation? Possibly a nation of three? I shouldn’t be in charge of a group larger than that

  • Wrestle complete strangers in public

I’m not sure if any of those ideas are long term solutions for my current ennui, but at leas two of them are worth trying out. Would people still want to have sex with me if I wear a cape? Can I realistically carry, let alone find, more than two fireman’s axes? Where will I learn to wrestle? I’m off to take a nap and think this over.