Never Shit For Free
Working a minimum wage job is a constant struggle; how little can you do and not get fired? Finding that balance takes experience and street smarts. Learning the jungle law of corporate america can help you h@k DA $y$tEM.
I Went Out on Wednesday Evening and a Gloom Cascaded Los Angeles
Gretchen and I were celebrating. Nothing particularly special, only the feeling of being alive and old enough to stay up past ten on a weeknight even though we both had places to be quite early in the morning. Gretch had gotten her hot little hands on a pair of tickets to see a hot French band in a miniscule secret venue; this was a one off show so these tickets were like rhino horn.
Drunken Art Reviews
“Dude!, WTF!?”
I haven’t talked to my mom in a while, so it’s good to see what she’s been up to. I just hope she isn’t giving all her retirement money to my future-ex-father-in-law in exchange for taking awful pictures of her. I wonder how many Easter watercolor kits it took to cover her royal largeness?
Thrift Shop Tech Review: Tiger Electronics Deluxe Talkboy
Sometimes in life, I feel like I’m doing okay. Well, even. Riding the crest of the remarkable wave that seems to only come ashore a few instances in any given lifetime, and one of those times is now. But then it all comes crashing down, breaking along the coast for all the little kids to fall down in while trying to skimboard, when Nacho phones me up and tells me I need to write a review. Fucking Kill Pretty.
Double-Date
About eight years ago, when my insecurity with women and desire to get laid still outweighed my determination to preserve my dignity, I went on a double-date and discovered what a double-date is. You might think you know the meaning of the term but you haven’t a clue...
You Can't Wait to Know This!
Let's Check-In With Jessica Simpson!
Jessica Simpson will go shopping sometime next week week at an outdoor mall in Century City. She'll purchase a huge black tote bag, so black it is almost navy blue. Then she will waltz into a craft store and cut snowflakes out of a fragile antique brocade, so valuable and pretty and rare that the salesgirl cries real tears onto the floor...the commission on the sale alone will pay for many generations of her family (yet to even be born!) to attend the career colleges of their choice. Or not.
Moments later, Jessica will walk through the plate glass window of the high end kitchen supply store, "Sur Le Tablė." The blood red melamine dinnerware of next seasons stock will be called "Platelets" a "must have," according to Elle Decor and a huge success for the family run business in Atacapia, Illinois that manufactures them.
Simpson will get a cut of the profits and continue being insanely rich, boring and dumber than a placemat.