Faschism! By Eric Gruber

Welcome to the first installment of Faschism - where it doesn’t matter what you did, but how you looked while you were doing it

If you want to turn your country into a police state, exterminate thousands of innocent lives, and suppress all forms of freedom, you need to make some bold appearance choices.  Can you imagine whipping a crowd into a frenzy dressed in some off–the-rack outfit? You think you can brainwash the huddled masses wearing a polo shirt and cargo shorts? Ain’t gonna happen.  No such thing as a basic bully pulpit.

First up, because we have a penchant for dark greasy alpha males, is none other than Benito Mussolini - or Yung Moose as I like to call him - Italy’s greatest fascist leader, and honorary pasta dish.  As you can see Benito had style even as a young up and coming meglomaniac.  

This picture, taken while on a trip up to Switzerland while vacationing with his family (Ed Note: He was actually there preaching communism and violent revolution) shows that Musssolini knew a little something about “dressing the part.”  The unkempt hair, that penetrating gaze, the tightly wound scarf, the pea coat - way ahead of his time.   This outfit now cost’s over $800 at Nordstroms Rack.  Gaze included.  Is this a man on his way to becoming  BFF’s with The Big H.I.T. (that was Hitler’s nickname, look it up), or is he going on tour with Deerhunter?  Only time will tell. (It’s the former)    

Couldn’t really find out when or where this picture was taken, but let’s assume it was taken right after Yung Moose (let’s get this to catch on) broke ranks with the local communist party because they were anti-war pussys, and decided to make his own way in the world. His own way happened to run through Ethiopia, Libya and Yugoslavia, but come on, just look at this guy. Menacing top hat securely fastened to his big ole Italian head, unfiltered cigarette dangling off his lips, a do-you-know-who-I-am 1,000 yard stare, and an indoor/outdoor tuxedo.   This is a man of action, a man of character, the man with the plan.   A man ready to seize his own destiny and rule over the very forces of nature that empower him.  Outta the way Roosevelt, outta the way Churchill, outta the way rhyme or reason  - nothing was going to stop this man from taking what was his.    


Mussolini got what was his, along with his entourage, and his mistress when they were all ceremoniously beaten and hung by their feet by an angry mob of Italians in 1945.  The Moose went out wearing what appears to be Red Wing Iron Ranger boots,  Iron Heart Raw Denim, and the blood of thousands of innocent people.  You can buy this complete look at your local Bloomingdales.  Ask for Sergio or Adriana at the counter.

Next week on Faschism -  a close personal friend of Kill Pretty - Saddam Hussein and the looks that that made him America’s most photographed arch nemesis.