Resident expert Jacob Shelton knows just about everything about anything, and that’s why he’s the perfect person to review and consider the wide range of topics that are available in this strange, chaotic world.

Loud Noises - 3/10

Loud noises, be they crashes, smashes, pows, pops, or bangs, are at best debatable. I’m not going to deny that there are people out there who thrive on noises, the louder of which the better. I’m not one of those people. I don’t wake up in the morning aching to put my ear next to a raging buzz saw. I don’t like fire crackers just to feel my ears bleed. I am simply not a fan of noises louder than a reasonable decibel level.

I’m not entirely turned off by all loud sounds. If I’m sitting in a theater and a space ship wangs itself into an asteroid then you best believe I want to hear that nice and loud. I’m not a dog who hides beneath the bed when M80s pop off in the street over the Fourth of July, but some times I’d like to join them (the dogs, not the people in the streets).

I can take or leave loud noises but if I’m being pressed on them (which is the entire conceit of this column) then I’ll have to pass. Loud noises aren’t the worst, but I’m not going to go seek them out and if you do then I guess we just don’t get each other on a fundamental level.

Loud noises, consider yourself reviewed.

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