One Sentence Album Reviews By Jacob Shelton

Shye Ben Tzur/Jonny Greenwood/The Rajasthan Express - Junun - ATC Management/Nonesuch Records

I just heard that Junun will be included in the 2016 starter kit for learning how to be a complete asshole.


Justin Bieber - Purpose - Def Jam

This album is the equivalent of a 22 year old smoking cloves in the parking lot of a community college.


Cavanaugh - Time and Materials - Mello Music Group

Hey all you dummies out there wearing Supra shirts, this album is basically your version of Disintegration.



Arca - Mutant - Mute

Do you like your electronic music to sound like undanceable Kid A B-sides? Then this is the album for you!


Le1f - Riot Boi - XL Recordings

If your parents catch you listening to this record you're definitely getting sent to military school.


Grimes - Art Angels - 4AD

I was just informed that I'll get thrown in blog journalism jail if I say anything bad about this album, so uh…good job?


Oneohtrix Point Never - Garden of Delete - Warp Records

The kind of music you'd listen to while you fucked a robot.


Beach Slang - The Things We Do To Find People Who Feel Like Us - Polyvinyl

Is there anything worse than bummed out meatheads who listen to too much Bruce Springsteen?


Carla Morrison - Amor Supremo - Cosmica

Sad songs for moms, en espanol.


Car Seat Headrest - Teens of Style - Matador Records

Who has the time to listen to all these fuzzy pop albums recorded by ugly dudes in their bedroom? Me I guess.

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