My name is Michael Yather. Yesterday was just like any other day. I went to work at Scrappy Dog, I came home, I made dinner, I stuck my head in the microwave, and I went to bed. But when I woke up the next day and looked in the mirror it wasn’t me. I had changed.
I started off as a normal kid. I had a B average. I liked eating tacos. I enjoyed swimming in our local river. I lived in an average house in the country. My parents worked normal jobs. My father worked at the local newspaper for Beston’s, and my mother worked at the bakery. We all loved each other very much, but it didn’t last long.
When I was 9, two men broke into my home. They were robbers. My father tried to stop them and they shot him dead. My mother began to unravel and drink after my father’s death. It wasn’t easy for either of us. After highschool I decided to leave my childhood home. I traveled around for a while before I ended up in New York. I got a job as a cameraman for a local news channel and that went on for about 6 years. It wasn’t the greatest.
Everyday I would have to film the aftermath of murders and robberies and kidnappings and one day I decided I was sick of it. Sick of watching horrible things happen to good people. This city needed someone to help them. Someone to teach the evil a lesson. No one was doing anything. Something had to be done.
I’ve always known that microwave ovens give off radioactive waves, and having read so many comic books knew this was the way to gain superpowers. My mom always said, “Keep your head away from the microwave while it’s on or you’ll gain superpowers.” Swamp Thing, The Hulk, radioactivity was how they all gained their abilities. So I decided to harvest the power myself. By my own hands.
A microwave will not run when its door is open, much like a refrigerator, but there is a button in them that when jammed will allow it to. So I jammed a screwdriver into said button and started putting my head into the microwave while the door was open.
At first I would only turn it on for a minute. Then Two. I wasn’t feeling any difference. So I bought a Geiger Counter and started scanning my skull after each session. 0.03, 0.04. So I started cooking my brain for longer. But after a particular point the radioactivity in my brain wasn’t increasing. So I went onto the internet and bought the NUKATRON-5000. From then on I would do this for 5 minute sessions 3 times a day. Slowly my radioactivity began to climb, however my super powers weren’t manifesting. I knew what I had to do.
I attached a weather rod to my roof and connected it to the electrical lines of my house. I looked online for the next storm that was going to pass over and I was set.
Thursday night, 6pm rolled around and all was ready. I had shaved all the hair off my body and wrapped myself in a wet robe. I had Funyuns waiting on the table for sustenance and Gatorade in the fridge to replenish my electrolytes. I turned on my microwave, stuck my head in, and lightning struck. I saw a bright flash and then all went dark.
I would have never have thought to clean my microwave before this experiment, but now I know otherwise.
I had eaten tacos that night and a piece of the meat had fallen off my plate and into the microwave. Crab meat. Upon the radial-electrical reaction that occurred while my cranium was in the vicinity of the microwave I metaphysically bonded with the dna of a crab. When I woke up the next day I had changed. I looked the mirror to see large red creature. My skin had turned to hard shell. My eyes had changed to giant black orbs. And my hands were now enormous claws. I was no longer Michael. I was...
Look out evil.